16 March 2014

Self Sabotage

Self sabotage is something I am an absolute master at. Looking back over my life I can see the pattern over and over again. I will be doing something, aspiring towards something, making great progress, feeling good, then wham. I do something that screws everything up. There are only a few things I have not done that with and a few areas where I have done it and it worked out okay anyway. It started to happen with Crossfit. I started in September of 2012. For a year I did amazing, felt like a rockstar, got heavier and heavier, lost weight, all that stuff. Then I got an injury and rather than take care of the injury I kept going. I got another injury and rather than take care of the injury, I kept going. I got frustrated because I was injured. I ate like there was no tomorrow. I gained weight, I felt like crap, and all my workouts felt like crap. It took a long time, but I managed to work my way through it and I'm now in a really, really good place with Crossfit. I can see it happening with food. Again.

I did the Paleo challenge from Jan 15 to Feb 28. I lost 10 lbs and more important felt really, really good. Then on Feb 18, I started the carb night solution. I kept it really low carb during the week and had a carb night on the weekend. That actually works out really well for me, I know I get to eat whatever I feel like in just a couple days so sticking to a super low carb diet is easy during the week. I was doing great for 3 weeks. Then last week things started to get squirrely. I did good all week then Friday things started to fall apart. No! Looking back on it now I realize that is not true. I had my carb night on Friday, that was fine, the problem was yesterday and today. And now looking back, it was not that bad. I had taco bell yesterday and some ice cream. Today I had some candy and some goldfish. Oh lord, hardly enough to get crazy about. And therein lies my problem. Until I really put some brain power to it, I just kept thinking I had eaten all weekend. Those thoughts were leading me to consider that maybe I should scrap carb night. And that, my dear, is how you sabotage yourself in 3 easy steps. Crazy. I've worked very hard to eliminate that all or nothing thinking, but sometimes it just creeps back in and sneaks up on me.

On a better note, next week is the last week before two week spring break. I can not wait. Next week will be long, but I'll get through it. I'm so looking forward to break.

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I'm done

 I fall into old habits pretty easily. I guess because they are something I'm used to even if they don't really work for me anymore....