21 February 2015

Seeking balance

I am a person of extremes. With me it is all or nothing. Fast or dead stop. Feast or famine. I've been that way for most of my life. I'm working very hard now, in my old age, to find balance. Rather than fast forward or not at all, I'm trying to find a speed that plays well for me. I'm trying to find this balance, this middle ground, in all areas of my life and I'm not sure that I am succeeding at any of it. I have a habit of procrastinating that then requires me to pull marathon sessions to get things done. That is not balance. I will work out for an entire week, then eat an entire box of cookies in one night. That is not balance. I need to find balance and I'm not sure why I can't. Is that I have too much on my plate? Or not enough? Am I trying to accomplish things that I don't want to? Am I not having any fun? All of these things will make balance impossible to find. So what can I do about it? Work to find that balance? Include something in every day that makes me happy? Plan things out and stick to the plan? I just don't know. I don't know what will work. I've tried so many things and not had great success. What do I do now? Try again? Keep trying? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. But what can I try that I haven't tried before? Maybe I'm not giving these things a far shot. Maybe I need to stick with it longer and try to make it work. I just don't know. I really, really don't know. What I do know is that I'm tired of the way things are going and I need to change them. Maybe I'll try again today. Maybe instead of just wanting, I'll start doing. Maybe instead of thinking things through and trying to understand why, I'll just move. Just move in the direction I want to go in and hope for the best. Stop thinking, start acting. Maybe I'll try that......

6 hours later:
So I got up from the computer and just started doing. I showered. Washed the sheets. Brutally cleaned this room. Just worked and worked and worked. I feel better. I feel like I've accomplished something. I feel like I have purpose and goal. Doing is good. Thinking is good, but doing is better.

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