29 August 2015


and I seriously do not know which way to turn. I know that I need to lose some weight. I also know what it takes to do that. But how do I get going? Do I start slow and build up? Do I jump right in and go for broke? How did I do it before? I just don't know. I get this way when I feel overwhelmed. I just don't know where to start. I'm in the same position with my dissertation at the moment. Okay, I need to stop this. I am a reasonably intelligent adult, I can figure this out. I can't do everything at once, so start where you are and build from there.

Let's begin with the diet. There are so many possibilities, and so many that have worked for me in the past. Weight Watchers, paleo, okay, those are really the only two that have worked well for me. And why have they worked well. Is it the 'diet' itself or was it the fact that support came with it. I tend to poo-poo the idea of support and think I am strong and can do it alone, but is that true? In both Weight Watchers and paleo, I was part of a group, even if it was a loosely run group, and therefore I had some accountability. When I do it on my own, I have no accountability and therefore no reason to be strict on myself. Knowing that someone is 'looking over my shoulder' really helps to keep me on track. So how can I get that? I can join WW again. That is not a bad idea, though they are expensive now. It's $45 a month for just meeting. If you want the website too, it's $70 a month. That is crazy talk. But the website alone is only $20 a month. Maybe I could do that, but I don't do well with online stuff. I do far better in face to face. I really like the whole idea of flexible dieting as it allows me to eat what I want. Paleo is good, but I feel super guilty if I have some starches. Okay, so I just did something, I committed to the do a Whole 30 starting on September 1st. I need to do this. I need to jump start my weight loss and I need to get my energy back. So now I need to devote some time to planning this weekend. I need to have food ready to go on Monday, I'm really starting on Monday, but will take 9/1 as a starting date.

Exercise. I joined 24 hours fitness on Wednesday, but have not gone there yet. In many ways, I'm embarrassed because I am so huge. That is ridiculous. I just need to take the first step and go there. I do want to go when it is not so crowded, that might be a little difficult. I am thinking of going over tomorrow for the intro stuff, then aiming for going early in the morning. If I go at like 4:30 I won't need to shower there, I can come home and shower. Of course that means getting up earlier, which means going to bed earlier. It is all a domino effect. Maybe I can start with just 3 days a week. I don't go have to go full tilt boogie right out of the gate. I could start with 3 days a week on my way home and gradually add more. Clearly I still need to work on this.

Okay, feel a little better. I have the start of a plan. I need to do a little research on food for Whole 30 as we are going to Costco today. I need to stock up on good food. Okay, I'm feeling better and I'm off to plan.

I've been doing some thinking since I wrote this post earlier. I went to have some breakfast and then felt like walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes, so I did. I realized that I am using things in my life as excuses for being lazy and getting fat. I am. I use the excuse of having to work on my dissertation for sitting at my computer for hours and yet I get nothing done. I use the excuse of having an online class as an excuse for sitting here and yet I play games. I use the fact that other dogs might be out as an excuse not to walk the dogs and then I take a nap. I say I have a lot to do and then spend hours doing nothing.

I think I have to start making changes by not making excuses. No more excuses. It won't be easy, but this is what I'm going to work on starting right now. No excuses. I'm done. It is definitely do or do not. That's all. No reasons, no nothing. No more excuses.

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  Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something. - Mark Manson How many time...