Day 2

Unfortunately, this is going to become a bit of a diary it looks like. I really have reached the end of my rope and I need a place to work this all out, so looks like this will be it. So last night I joined 24 hour fitness. Not sure if that was a smart thing or not. Right now I am not that motivated to work out because of the foot - or the excuse de jour - but my thinking was I can at least use the elliptical which provide a fabulous cardio workout without hurting my foot. Not sure exactly when I'm going to do this, but it is there when I am ready. I'm thinking of going Friday on my way home from work. Hubby works Friday nights so there is no need to rush home. After that, who knows.......

Here is part of the problem. I impose this demands on myself and then when I don't meet them I feel bad. For example, walking the dogs. I want to walk the dogs, I do. I love walking the dogs. It's usually quiet and peaceful, I listen to my book and it's just me and the pups. Really, really love it. But, in my mind, I've got to walk them before 5 pm so I don't run into any other dogs at all. Now that is kind of silly. The college where I walk them is a huge place and I can see other dogs from quite a distance away, which usually allows me the ability to take a slight detour to avoid them. Yes, going after 5 makes it a little more stressful, but it is not that hard. I used to go after 5 all the time. I stopped because it bothered me. That is not fair to the dogs. Besides, if I wait until 5, I can come home and relax a little before I go. I'm usually tired when I get home, but a dip in the pool and some time to decompress and I'm usually good to go again. So when I don't walk the dogs because it has gotten too late I am just making excuses and that has to stop.

Last week I started walking on the treadmill in the mornings. I committed to 15 minutes in the morning, that seemed like a reasonable amount of time and I just wanted to get into the habit of doing it. I have done it every morning this week except for Monday and it is quickly becoming a habit. Early morning exercise puts me in a good mood. Helps me think clearer. Wakes my brain up faster than coffee. And just generally feels good. Right now I have been on for 19 minutes while I type this. I did not set out to stay on this long, I just keep walking as I type.

Okay, I'm starting to feel better and a plan is beginning to formulate in my brain. I need to force myself to do things in the beginning when they are not enjoyable, until they become enjoyable. I'm feeling better about things now, so I guess I need to go start my day. I have to remember at all times that I am strong. I am in control. I make the decisions. I am powerful.