Perfectly Imperfect


I try to be perfect and I'm not. I try to do everything right, and I don't. I try. But then I get moments where I just give up and say f*ck it. Those moments are the ones I need to fight. I have a whole bunch of responsibilities and I need to keep on top of them. Regardless of how I feel, because I do know that when I take control I feel powerful. Even if things aren't going the way I want them to, I feel in control. Okay, so what brought this on? Money. The money here is so tight that one little thing can throw everything off. I have to stay focused on the money or it rapidly spins out of control. So time to get back on that. I need to check the bank account every night and I need to know where every penny is going. There is also a moratorium on spending for the remainder of October. I have to get the finances under control.

Food. That is another area that needs to be handled. I ate well yesterday but then wrecked it with donuts and ice cream last night. Why? No reason. I wasn't hungry. I didn't feel like something sweet. I just ate them. Ugh. Done. I was going to brush my teeth right after dinner, I should have done that. I will do that if necessary. No sugar. I need to stay on top of that or it rapidly spins out of control.

So the moral of this story is that I have to be present in the moment and not let emotions or feelings take me away. It is true with everything; money, food, exercise, work, everything. If I don't pay attention, it rapidly spins out of control. Everything. Okay. I cannot change the past. What's done is done. But I can change the future and I will. I can also control how I react to what I did in the past. I did it, it's over and I just have to accept that.

So, mindful living, being present, and being aware of things that happen. Done.


Okay, 82 days until new years. Time to get back on track and make progress. This goes with the above. Being mindful and present will help me make progress and move forward. So today I will run, shop for food, and plan my meals for the week. I also need to make good progress on my work. I need to grade and finish that stuff up. Lots to do today.

8:45 am Just finished my 'run'. Yeah, it was definitely a 'run'. Did Week 1 Day 2 of C25K. I did Day 1 on Monday, I believe, and it wasn't too bad. Today was horrible. Just. Freaking. Horrible. My calves were killing me right from the start. The running was difficult at best. It was ugly. Started with a walking pace of 2.5 - 3.0 and a running pace of 4.0. After 2 intervals my calves were screaming. Dropped the running pace down to 3.0 and the walking pace down to 2.0. I was going to skip the running intervals, but after 4 it just seems silly to not do them. So I did all 8 intervals, I just did them slow. I did take some time to stretch after. I did 30 seconds of calf stretch off the edge of treadmill, 30 seconds of quad stretch by resting the top of my foot on the handrail of the treadmill, and 30 seconds of hamstring stretch by resting foot on stool next to treadmill. It was not pretty, it was not fun, but I did it. Yeah me!!!!

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