12 March 2017

A subtle shift

After or accident last Saturday, I was shaken up as you might well imagine. But not near as shaken up as I thought I'd be. I was, and am, incredibly thankful to be alive. When I think about what could have happened I just shudder. But I have noticed a mild shift in my mindset since the accident. I have noticed that I am much more appreciative of things. Everything. I find that I don't anger as quickly. I am finding joy in almost everything. And I am living in the moment - something I'm not great at. I find I did not get frustrated with my class all week, which is very unusual as I was ready for break and they were squirrely. I'm not getting angry at Hubby as much either. I had reached a point where little things were irritating me all the time. That is gone. I am really and truly thankful for surviving that crash and for everything in my life. I am also extremely present in my everything and make decisions based on the now and not the future. Not even sure I said that right, but let's use an example. Yesterday we went to the AZ Aloha Festival. Now usually at these types of things, I'm good for about an hour and then I start to space out and want to go. Also, I am constantly looking beyond where we are. I'm looking at the next aisle or the next thing or whatever. And standing in line for food??? Forget about it. I go nuts. But yesterday was extremely different. I was not in a rush to get through the place. I took my time looking at all the Hawaiian stuff for sale. I stood in line for like 20 minutes to get some poke and it didn't bother me. I didn't get frustrated or grumpy or anything. I just enjoyed the sights, sounds, and atmosphere of Hawaii. It was awesome. When we came home, I was hot and tired and made the conscious decision to lay on the couch and watch a little TV. When I got up, I didn't feel like I had missed anything or that I had wasted my time. I realized that I was constantly living in some other time, all the time. I was either thinking about the past, recent or distant, or thinking about the future. Because of that, I could not enjoy the moment I was in. That sucked. But since the accident, I have been very present in every moment. I see now that living in the moment gives you a reason and a purpose to living. If you are constantly thinking about some other time, there is no joy in right now. But right now is extremely joyful most of the time. I love being present for my dogs. I love being present for Hubby. So while it is important to plan for the future, there is no point in trying to live there before it happens. Being a firm believer in karma, I've been trying t figure out why this accident happened or what the purpose of it was. This may be it. I'm not 100% positive, but it's possible. I'm also proud of my reaction to it. I never once lamented, why me? Never once. It happened. We dealt with it. And we have moved on. Proud of that. Very proud.

We did go out Friday and buy a new van. Initially we were going to buy exactly the same van. Blue, 2016 Grand Caravan. I reserved one at the dealership to test drive. We got there and there were a couple of issues with it. First, it had no center console. This is a problem because a) we have nowhere to put our junk and b) the dogs can get right up front with us. We could have bought one and put it in ourselves. The other problem was not so easily fixed. The rear had no AC vents. Since we are buying this van specifically to travel with the animals in the summer, this would not work at all. And there was no work around for this. I was not comfortable with not having air back there. So we decided to look at some other vans. Well, we found one and I fell in love with the looks. This is it:

The color is called granite crystal. It doesn't have chrome on the front grill, it's all black and the wheels are upgraded. It is also all automatic and the windows in the rear doors roll down!! I don't know of any van that has windows that roll down. Plus it is all leather interior. It is very cool and I fell in love. It was more than I wanted to spend and the monthly payments are a little high, but I'm okay with that. We will make it work. It is super comfy and will be great for traveling around in. Oh, and it has a big center console and AC vents in the back. So it's all good.

Today, I'm going to work on this office area. The rest of the house it pretty well straightened away and is presentable. This area is not. I don't have enough storage and there is crap lying all over the floor. Plus everything is kind of mismatched and it just looks ugly. Plus you see this area when you first walk in so that's not cool at all. So today is the day for this area. On Tuesday we are heading down to Tombstone. Woo Hoo. Excited for that. I have to plan out our itinerary too.

Well, my smart clock got me again this morning. It changes times when daylight savings happens, but we don't do daylight savings in AZ. Woke up and the clock said it was after 6 am. Got up, had coffee, and wrote most of this before I discovered that it wasn't even 6 am yet. Ugh!!! I mean it's okay, I was awake. That clock is just annoying. Oh well, live goes on.

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