23 June 2019

Getting serious

After last weekend's post, nothing changed. Monday was the same, no exercise and lots of crap eating. Tuesday I woke at 3 am in pain. My stomach hurt - really, really bad. I could hardly move. I was in agony. I didn't go to class because I couldn't walk let alone ride my bike. I woke at 3 am with the pain and it took all day to pass. It wasn't until 11:30am that I could get off the couch and move without dying.  As the afternoon progressed I got better slowly. I did go out to dinner that night because Chris was here and he was leaving the next day. So we met Janna and Mike at Native's for dinner. I did not drink and I ate pretty conservatively.  The next day I went to class with the intention of trying to get my stomach back in order. Luckily the snacks that day were healthy. I ended up eating a lot of sugar snap peas and not much else. For lunch, I went to Qboda which is basically Chipotle. Felt pretty good but still not completely normal. On Thursday I woke up and kind of felt like crap again. I decided that I needed to shake things up. I needed to get back on track in a big way. I decided to fast. It was day 2 of 3 shift so I decided fasting would be a good idea. I drove to where I park and then walked instead of riding my bike. It's not far, about 10 minutes. Wonderful. I was determined not to eat anything but the girl who brought the snacks brought donut holes and mini cupcakes. Ugh!!! I could only resist for so long, then I caved big time. But I was determined that the day would not be lost completely. At lunch, I headed out on a walk and walked around campus for about 30 minutes. Then I stopped at Starbucks and got a cold brew and a protein lunch. The rest of the day was good. We had decided to go out for dinner for our anniversary, 30 years - wow!!!  So we went to Mingo's. I had jambalaya and frozen drink with mango and rum and it was awesome. But I woke up on Friday feeling really, really crappy. My stomach felt huge like it would get in my way when I sat down huge. I had little energy and really didn't want to do much of anything. I don't like feeling like that. I want to feel good. I want to have energy. I want to feel like I did last year. So I said, fuck it!!!! Time for things to change. First thing was I meditated. I have let that fall by the wayside and I am feeling the effects of that. So meditation it was. Then I went for a walk. My thoughts were that I would walk until I felt better. I did 2 laps around the neighborhood and by the end of the 2nd lap felt my old self returning. I had a spring in my step and I found myself smiling for no apparent reason. Yes!!!  Then we ran a bunch of errands. Came home and finished up my homework for my class. Did a little packing. Then it was off to jumping class with Maverick. I ended that day with over 18,000 steps and felt amazing. I was tired, but it was a good tired. Yesterday came and I started it with meditation. Then it was off on my walk for 30 minutes. Then it was packing, packing, packing. Then RunBuddy. And finally off to a friend's for pool, relaxation, and dinner. I was so good. Once I start to feel better, I'm not even tempted by junk food. She had made lasagna for dinner but I didn't eat it because of the pasta. Same with the homemade garlic bread.  I did not eat anything outside of shift yesterday, though there was plenty around, and I did not drink. Again, by the end of the day, I was tired but it was a good tired. I noticed that my stomach did not feel so huge yesterday. I felt like I could actually suck it in, not much, but I could. Today I woke up and the first thing was meditation. Then I was off on my walk. As I was walking I noticed how I felt. I felt good. My stomach is not sticking out past my boobs like it was on Wednesday. I still have some slight residual pain from the episode on Tuesday, but that is slowly passing. My back hurt halfway through the walk but considering that I haven't been walking and my stomach has been so huge, it's no wonder. Time to work on mobility at night. I needed to stop and write this because it feels good to feel good again. This is how I want to feel. I honestly don't care about what the scale says. I don't. I just want to feel good in my own skin. I want to be able to sit down and not think how my stomach is sticking out. But by the same token, I don't care what size my waist is. I'm in this to feel good and that's what I'm after. I'm done chasing a size or a number or any other weird social measurement. I just want to feel good.

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