26 September 2019

Morning Page Day 4

Well here we are on Thursday. Thank god. It's been a long, long week. I really like doing this in the morning though, it seems to clear my head for the day. Between meditation and this, I feel like I start the day fresh and ready to go. I like that.

I didn't go to agility last night. I was just too tired. I'm going to email the owner today and explain that 7:50 is just too late for me. I need an earlier class. I'll be sad to move because I've come to really like the people we train with, but I can't go that late. By 7:50 I'm getting ready for bed. It is not time to go out and do something active. So I'll email her today. Plus, now I live 35 minutes away. I don't mind driving but going that late and having that long a drive just makes it too, too late. So I'll email her today and get this taken care of.

Volleyball is almost over. Thank god. I tried so hard to get out of it and the 'head coach' just kept dragging me in. Next year I am out completely. No more. It takes too much time. Between that and science bowl, my afternoons are just not my own and I need that.

So my stomach feels huge this morning. Not exactly sure why, but it feels giant. I don't like this feeling. So that leaves me with what to do about it. My instinct is to do a small fast. But that scares me because of the stomach issues I've been having. A fast could set off a bout of that and I will be at school and that is completely unacceptable. So I don't know what to do. I do know that I am dumping those Trader Joe's snacks that I bought. I came home last night and ate almost an entire bag of trail mix. That wouldn't be so bad except it has chocolate chips in it. Actually, it has chocolate, white chocolate, butterscotch, and some other chip in it. Which makes it like candy and not trail mix at all. So that is done. I'll just see what happens with my stomach. I may have Hubby pick me up some lunch stuff. I don't know. I just don't know. This whole stomach thing has got me so completely paranoid. I'm afraid to let myself get really hungry because I'm afraid of triggering it. So I'm eating like a crazy person and that's not good. Ugh!!!!  Just need to relax and get back to normal eating. I'm sure the stress of worrying about it is not helping. Hate this. So wish I was in Hawaii and had Kaiser. I would have been there right away and had this figured out in no time. As it is all I can think about is the money it's going to cost me. Stop!!! Time to change the subject.

I do need to develop a workout routine. I'm getting very little activity and I'm sure that is not helping at all. So I need to figure out a workout plan and stick to it. Starting today. I'm walking Mavy when I get home. We did that on Tuesday night and it was so nice. I 30ish minute stroll along the canal was awesome. I'm hoping it will be nice like that again and we can go tonight. That helps me more than anything. It energizes me after a long day. It relaxes me and I feel more connected to Mavy. I'm also going to work out a training plan for him for Recallers. I want to do those things, I just need to fit them into my day. I'm sure that sitting on the computer for hours is part of the problem. I've been saying this for a long, long time. I need to really change things up. I need a sudden and drastic change to my routine. I thought that moving to Tempe and having a commute would do that and it has helped in a lot of ways, but I need to do something even bigger. I think I'm going to stop turning on this computer. During the week I will use only my laptop. I can do the things I want to do after work when I get home, then when I'm watching TV I can play my stupid games. I like that game and I like that I've gotten away from spending money on it, but I don't need to play it for hours at a time. Leave it and play a little at a time. It will last longer and I will always have energy/something to do.

Okay, almost done so I'm going to wrap this up. Off to work.

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