22 January 2021

Wasted time


I was home all week because Hubby had Covid and pneumonia. It was completely unplanned and I was not pleased with it. I don't think we should be in school anyway, but an unexpected week at home while my students were in school was not on my agenda. It was a good week to miss as there was only review and a test, so the sub had it fairly easy, but still. I was out of sorts because this wasn't my idea and I didn't want to stay home. 

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

On top of that, I was constantly getting emails from students about where do I find work, I'm not ready to take the test, blah, blah, blah...... I ended up letting it get to me and got angry and frustrated. 

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

In my anger and frustration, I ended up wasting a whole lot of time this week. Time that I can't recover and that is just lost forever. I most definitely did not win most of the days this week. 

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

I could have used this week to do a couple of things I've been wanting to do, but instead I sat around and ruminated on the fact that I didn't want to be here and my students were annoying and ugh!!! Life!!!!  Not a great way to spend time and definitely would not be winning life doing things like that. 

Happiness = Reality - Expectations

So I've decided that I need to journal to get these things out. So here goes. I was extremely frustrated this week with my students and the fact that I had to stay home. But, truth be told, the staying home was a decision that Hubby and I made because he wasn't feeling well. I technically could have gone to work, but he really wanted me around and I don't blame him. At one point he was having difficulty breathing, he got light headed and dizzy, and he just generally felt like crap. I don't blame him for not wanting to be home alone. But, that was a decision we made. So am I frustrated and angry with him for wanting me to stay home? Of course, not so those feeling have no place. Besides, what purpose does being frustrated and angry serve me? Does it help with my overall well being? Does it make me a better person in any way, shape, or form? Does it add to my self care? NO!!! In fact, it completely takes away from all those things. I let the anger and frustration hang around all week and I dropped my self care. I didn't get my steps in any day this week. I ate an entire zucchini bread loaf all by myself in 2 days. My sleep has been good and my meditation has been good, but that's all. I could have used this abundance of free time to work out - but I didn't. I could have cleaned up my room here - but I didn't. I could have gone on extra walks and got my steps in - but I didn't. I let the anger and frustration that I felt take over my life and make me lethargic. I thought it would be better to wallow in my anger and frustration than to take advantage of the time and do things that would further my self-care. Definitely not winning. And now it's Friday and 4 days of my life are gone with little to show for them. Definitely not how I want to live my life. 

So this all changes today. Of course, it's easy to do that since we normally have this day off anyway and I am going back to school on Monday. So it's easier not to be frustrated and angry when I know the end is in sight. But there are a few other things I need to do also. I need to make working out a regular part of my life. I used to do it all the time and I need to get back to it. So towards that end, I'm going to schedule my workouts. I find that I'm more likely to do them if they are scheduled. I want to make workouts an everyday thing, like they used to be, and I need, no have, to make stretching an everyday thing for the health of my back. So, the easiest way to do this is to just make time every day. I come home from work and walk Mavy - that's good. When I come back from walking him, I do one of two things. Either I sit down and do some work for Johns Hopkins or I play games. While I enjoy playing games, are they really necessary every single day? Probably not. So why don't I save the games until everything else is done, right before I go to bed, and use them as a reward? That would be good. So here is what I'm thinking: 
  • Come home from work and walk Mavy
  • Work on JHU or possibly HAL for the next day
  • Dinner/Clean up 
  • Watch TV while I workout/stretch/dance/whatever
  • Games if there is time
I only have to do that Monday - Thursday. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday my time is more flexible and I can do things whenever. Okay, I'm in starting today. I will work really, really hard to get 10,000 steps in today and I will do weights and stretch. Tomorrow I will just stretch. Sunday I'll figure that out when it's time. I really want to find something to do that I really, really like .I currently don't have any kind of workout that I'm super eager to do every day. Weights,  I do them because I know they are good for me. Stretching I do because if not my back is a mess. I need something that fires me up to do the workout. I guess I'll keep looking around for that. 

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  Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something. - Mark Manson How many time...