03 June 2022

And life goes on.....

 I still miss her. I still think about things I would be doing if she was still here, but life goes on. In a way, I feel a little guilty. I have so much free time now. I don't have 20 minutes of pills and biscuits in the mornings or 10 minutes of them at night. I can come in here and stretch and not have to keep an ear out for her, if she needs to go out. I said this with Rocco and I'll say it again. These things don't happen suddenly, they sneak up on you one at a time and you don't realize it. I can't tell you exactly when we started having to help her up. I can't tell you exactly when I had to start making sure she went out before bed. I can't tell you exactly when we started leaving the back door open all the time for her. But these things just became our new normal. Whenever I was doing anything, I would stop if I heard Bella get up and go see if she needed me. I was more conscious of how many times she went to the bathroom than I was of my own bathroom habits. So yeah, I find myself looking around and thinking of all the free time I have now. I also cancelled about $400 of Chewy medications. That will be a huge relief. Speaking of which, I have to do the budget, we got paid. 

Okay, so the real reason for this post is to brag a little about my week. It wasn't perfect but it was really, really good. I went to the gym on Monday, skipped Tuesday for obvious reasons, went on Wednesday, skipped Thursday, went this morning and will be going tomorrow morning. I also did Supernatural every day that I went to the gym. I have walked the canal with Mavy twice now. Yay me!!!! It feels good. I feel my appetite starting to really kick in. That always goes first. I workout. The appetite cranks up. I start to lose weight. I'm good with that. I also started the hip opening challenge for the 4 millionth time. I wanted to start it on Monday, but I had other things on my mind and didn't start until last night. That's okay. It feels really good. I'm a lot more flexible than I have ever been doing this and it feels good. I am starting to move better. I don't know if it's from the working out or the hip opening but I'll take it.

So it's been a mixed week. Really, really sad and feeling good too. That's life I guess. 

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  Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something. - Mark Manson How many time...