20 February 2023

It's been a minute, lots to catch up on

 I'll start with the worst first. I had signed up for a rock climbing class at REI. That class was yesterday and I didn't go. I had a feeling this would happen. So while in the shower yesterday, I did a little mental digging to find out exactly why I didn't go. I came down to social comparison. I was afraid of being the oldest and largest person there. That's actually what it boiled down to. Now logically that is completely ridiculous. I'm sure there are people older than me who climb rocks. I'm sure there are. I'm also sure that some people who climb rocks weight what I do or more. Also, most people, when they see someone my age doing something for the first time, are super supportive and encouraging. So I ended up not trying something because of thoughts in my head. Ugh!!!  I thought I had worked through most of this, clearly not. So that was the worst thing that happened this week. 

On Friday, something that seemed like bad thing but is actually a good thing just below the surface happened. I've had a blurry spot in my vision for a few months now. The other day it got so bad that I was having trouble seeing while driving. So I broke down and made an eye doctors appointment. Turns out I have cataracts and need surgery in both eyes. Now initially that sounds like not a great thing. Needing surgery is never good. But, as it turns out, this could be an amazing thing. They can put in lenses that fit my prescription so I don't need glasses. For a little bit more, they can give me a lens that will be like a bifocal and I won't need glasses for anything. That is exciting. Very. Exciting. I have worn glasses since I was 9 years old. The thought of not having to wear glasses ever again makes me want to have the surgery right now. Not going to do that. I want to have it at the beginning of June. They do one eye and then two weeks later do the second eye. I want to have everything done because on the first of July we leave on an epic Yellowstone adventure. I want it to be all done by then. So while that was seemingly not a good thing, it's something I'm excited about now. 

Now, the seemingly good thing that is causing all kinds of anxiety. I was informed that I could still get into a craft fair this coming weekend. Saturday specifically. I had emailed over a week ago and I thought I had missed the deadline for vendors. Apparently they still have some room and if I can get the application in by Wednesday I'm in. This is super exciting and extremely nerve wracking. Do I have enough stuff? Do I have time to make more? What do I make? Is my stuff good enough to sell? What will my competition be? Ugh!!! So much self-doubt and social comparison. So much perfectionism. The good news is that I have a colleague at work who is also making crafts and I could split the booth with her so I wouldn't be completely alone. Also, by having someone with me there's less of a chance I will back out. I'm trying to look at this as a learning experience and nothing more. I've never done a craft fair so this experience will be so helpful. This is a smaller craft fair so it should be good. I will know some of the people there so that will make it nice. I'm going to suck it up and do it. I'll need to figure out what I have on hand and what I can make between now and then. I'll need to figure out what kind of stuff to have on hand. I'll need to figure out how much of the stuff to have on hand. I need to figure out how to display the stuff I will bring. Lots to figure out, but I need to get the first one under my belt. Use this as a learning experience only. I need to have no expectations on sales or anything. This is purely a learning experience. 

Interesting how I view each of these things. So the worst thing that happened this week was that I thought some stuff. What was seemingly bad news on the outside turns out to be good news. And what is seemingly good news is causing anxiety. Very interesting how the human mind sees things. 

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  Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something. - Mark Manson How many time...