Being heard to me, means that someone is not only listening to what I say but they are really understanding it, or trying to understand. They are paying attention to what I say and they are present in the moment with me. They acknowledge what I am saying without criticism or judgement. They respect what I have to say and they take my ideas into consideration. They validate what I am saying.
For me, being heard means that I need to respect the person I am talking to. I need to feel a connection to them, even if it's only for the moment. I need to feel a meeting of the minds, not necessarily agreement, but mutual respect.
Feeling validated from someone with strong, differing opinions is difficult. I don't feel heard if someone blows off what I have to say. I don't feel heard if someone shakes their head while I am talking. I don't feel heard if someone talks over me. I don't feel heard if someone is so caught up in their own opinion or story that they can't even hear what I have to say. It's not fun to talk to someone like that because you have no input. It's all about them. Also, because they tend to not take others thoughts or opinions into consideration, they have a tendency to always be right. At least in their minds.
So this is why I love blogging. I just figured out a frustrating relationship I have at school. This person always, always, always talks over everyone. Has no desire to really hear what others have to say, they just want to say what they have to say. They don't respect others. They are full of criticism and judgement, sometimes right to your face. Oh, I can see it now. It is so clear. So this person never really listens to anyone so I should stop trying to talk to them. I should be polite and make chitchat, but no more attempts at deeper conversation. That is over.
Okay, quickly back to the topic at hand. I also don't feel heard if someone just shakes their head while I'm talking - either agreeing or disagreeing. Shaking their head feels like they are blowing me off or just paying me lip service. I hate that. Listen to what I have to say and then respond. Don't just shake or nod your head at me. I really do hate that.
Okay, gotta run.