Of boxes and walls....

I tend to be a very organized (some would say anal) person. Although my desk is a mess and I have magazines stacked up on the coffee table, I really am organized. For our upcoming vacation I researched all the airfare websites for weeks and did everything to make sure I got a decent fare. When it was time to find a rental car I did the same thing. Whenever I want to make a large (over $100) purchase for myself, I always do all the research, read reviews, check consumer reports, etc. To make sure I get the best product at the best price.

I also have a habit of breaking parts of my life into "things." For the last few months it's been the marathon. Everything I've done has pretty much been focused on that. I tended to think in terms of, "After the marathon," and "When the marathon is over." Right now it's the vacation. I'm ready to get back into my program but I keep thinking, "Well, I'm leaving on vacation on Wednesday...." I hate this about myself.

I use these things as an excuse to do or not do things and sometimes it really pisses me off. Why can't I just take every day as it comes?? Why do I always try to compartmentalize (god, I hope that's spelled right) everything into little boxes. The next 4 days are in the pre-vacation box. Then there will be 2 weeks in the vacation box. Then a couple of days in the transition back to normal box and then the regular life box. You realized of course this uses up 3 weeks of my life. Of course, this does help in some areas. In training for instance, breaking it into blocks really works well for me. But this doesn't work in all cases...

I have a couple of things I want to do in 2006. Have I started making any headway on any of them?? NO!!! Why??? Because I'm leaving in 4 days. Why, oh why, can't I just say, well today I have time to work on this so I will. No..... I say, eh, why bother I'll do it when I get back. Do you think maybe procrastination is an issue with me???

Okay, this is something that really bothers me so I'm going to work on changing it. I will try to view every day on it's own merits and not what's coming in the next week or so. I do manage to do this in spurts and really enjoy when I do so it's something I'm going to work on. Starting today.


KLN said…
So, where does one go on vacation, if you already live in Paradise?

Have a super trip!
La said…
It sounds like you just like a certain amount of structure - we all like it to varying degrees. And procrastination is an extreme form of perfectionism [if you can't do it 100%, don't do it at all]. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to do what you can, even if it's not 100%. I struggle with the same thing.

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