03 September 2007

The haze clears.

I can be my own worst enemy. I have major doubts about the things I can do, even if I've done them before. I have an awful habit of doubting my abilities. I will keep trying, but there his always that little voice in my head saying those awful things little voices say. I work very, very hard to stomp that voice out, ignore it, override it with cheering, but the little bastard lives on.

I've decided to do the Honolulu Century Ride yet every time I head out on my bike I think, will I be able to climb the hills, can I keep up with everyone, what if I can't make it? I'm only planning on doing 25 miles yet you'd think I was doing all 100 from the voice in my head.

I push the voice aside and tell myself I can do these things. I've done them before, I can do them again. I used to ride 15 miles on a mountain bike, over some pretty good hills, every Saturday morning. If I can do that I can ride 25 miles on a sweet bike. I've run 2 marathons!! I can ride 25 miles. I've ridden 25 miles during a triathlon!! I can ride 25 miles alone. I can do these things. But I have doubts.

Then, this morning, I read Comm's post. It's amazing how things present themselves just when you need them most. This totally switched my attitude and caused the little voice in my head to go but, but, but......... I may not be in the shape I was 3 years ago, but I'm in a lot better shape than most people. The body may not be as tight and lean as I want it, but it can run, swim, bike, and do lots of things that the average person can't.

Up the street from me is a lady who's bed is in the carport. I think I've mentioned her before. When I first moved here I was in shock. The carport is set up like her bedroom, tv, bookcases, etc. and she just lays in bed all day. She has to weigh 600-700 lbs, if she weighs an ounce. I see her and I think to myself, that could very well be me. I bet she sees me go running or riding by and thinks, I wish I could do that. It may not be the nicest thing to think, but I know if I didn't beat that voice down daily I could be that large stuck in a bed somewhere. No thank you.

I meet people all the time who tell me they wish they could do the things I do. What they don't realize is that they can. I don't do anything special. You folks out there in blogland do things way more special than I do. I'm just doing what the common man could do if he got off his butt.

Okay, this has become a bit of a rambling post. But Commodore really hit the nail on the head this morning and I really needed to hear it. Yes, I may not be where I want to be but hard work and perseverance will change that. So, let the work begin.

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