20 August 2008

How, or why, do these things happen??

I wish I could nail down the formula for motivation. If not for everyone at least for me. I'm not sure exactly where it comes from, or goes for that matter. I know when I've lost it I would give anything to get it back. And when I have it it propels me forward into territory I like living in. So why can't I keep it all the time?

Maybe it's just remnants of my old habits. I used to be a binge eater. I never called it that and probably never admitted it even to myself, but I was. I would go on a binge and eat till my stomach hurt and I was sick to my stomach. The entire time I would be screaming inside my head 'why are you doing this?? STOP!!STOP!!' yet I would continue on as if something else had control of my body. I did eventually manage to break that habit. It took time and basically it was making the binges shorter and shorter until now when 2 cookies can constitute a binge :) Maybe my loss of motivation is like my binge eating.

I used to be incredibly lazy. I would sleep 9-10 hours a night. Take a nap during the day. Snooze in my car. Then lay around watching TV from all my hard work :) Then I started working out. It was slow at first but gradually I built it up. I would have bouts where I would stop working out for weeks or months at a time. Maybe it's a hangover from that habit. Maybe I lose motivation just because I used to be so incredibly lazy. My bouts of not working out are getting shorter and shorter. And I don't go without working out at all. I generally will get a couple of workouts in during the down time even though I have to force myself. So maybe that's it. Maybe I'm in the midst of breaking an old habit. That's never easy.

Last night I found myself thinking that I couldn't wait to go to bed so morning would come and I could workout. Huh??? Is this the same person who was 'faking it till they feel it' last week? Is this the same person who's been whining for like 2 weeks about working out?? Clearly my motivation and desire to workout is back with a vengeance. That's good, I just wish I knew exactly what I did to bring it back on so strong. Maybe faking it till you feel it really works. Oh well, I guess that's why this whole thing is a journey. If I mastered the eating/working out/weight loss and it never was a problem again what exactly would I do with the rest of my life? And what would I write about here, right???

In other news, Hubby brought home a whole bunch of crap last night. I'm in the process of slowly starting to get rid of things in preparation for the big move next year, and he brings more stuff home. Last month there was a huge tennis tournament at the racquet club and there was a bunch of promotional products leftover. He brought home a bunch of t-shirts that are either very large or way too small. There's some tank tops that are really small, maybe I'll give them away here. I do know that as soon as Hubby isn't looking I'm dumping those shirts. The last thing I need is more t-shirts.

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