25 October 2012

Some days you just want to watch the world burn

Odd title, I know. I've always wanted to use that phrase and somehow today it seems strangely appropriate.

Today actually began yesterday around 3:45pm. I was leaving school when I fell and twisted my ankle. It's the ankle I twist all the time and while it hurt, I was more pissed off then anything. Pissed that I had done this yet again. Pissed that it happened at all. Just plain pissed. I made it to the bus stop and had Hubby pick me up from the bus. It was hurting pretty bad by then. Needless to say, Crossfit was out last night and that pissed me off too. But I iced it, elevated it, did what I was supposed to.

When I woke this morning it was still pretty sore and I had a pain on the top of my foot every time I took a step. I decided to take the day off because I was still pissed and I've been wanting a day off all week. So I took it. I didn't do much, in fact I didn't do anything. But it felt good.

What did happen is I wanted junk food. I've been craving junk for the last week or so but I've been fighting it off. Today I decided to give in to it. I rode my bike to the store - it's only 2 blocks away - and I bought junk. I wanted popcorn so I got some Smart Pop white cheddar and while I was in the chip aisle I noticed the Pop Chips were on sale, so I got some of them. I also wanted some cookies. Specifically I wanted sugar wafers. The only ones this store had were $6 for a small package. Then I noticed the cookies pictured above were on sale. So I got those.

I went to the store around 9:30am and it is now 5:34pm. I have eaten all the popcorn, 4 or the 6 cookies, and some of the pop chips. That's pretty much all I've eaten all day. And I'm not upset at all. I don't feel stuffed or sick or anything. I feel fine. I bought those things knowing I would probably eat them all and I pretty much have. I'm okay with that.

I think that every so often my body needs a day of junk. I don't know if it's because I've cut down on carbs so much or if it's just old habits rising up. But every so often I need to eat junk food and I do and I don't feel bad about it at all. I will have a nice healthy, normal dinner and tonight before I go to bed throw away anything that's left over. When these things come upon me I have found it's best to put a limit on it. I gave it one day - today - and that's it. When I go to bed tonight it ends. Tomorrow it's right back on track.

A quick mental calculation indicates that I have eaten about 1500 calories today. Jeez, that used to be one meal back in my real binge days. Dinner will probably be around 400-500 calories, so I'm looking at a 2,000 calorie day. I didn't do anything so none of it was burned off in exercise but I'm still okay with that.

So while I was not happy that I could not work out, I'm kind of glad I got my binge out of my system. Now it's time to move on.

No comments:

End of the year

 and I am just so completely done. I'm not necessarily tired. I'm worn out. I'm worn down. My soul has been drained out of me. I...