14 September 2013

I'm walking on sunshine

Okay, well not exactly, but I'm trying. There is so much going on right now and I'm trying very, very hard not to let the stress get to me. The Aloha Show is next Friday and once that is over a lot of the stress will be removed. Hubby is having issues at work and he may well be quitting or get fired. That is very stressful since we are just breaking even now. Yikes. Plus there is the normal life stuff. Yeah, it's been a rough month. I'm looking forward to fall break.

As a result of the above, I have not been as diligent in my diet or exercise. I use any excuse not to go to Crossfit. I've been eating junk far too often. I know this is not helping with the stress factor since eating crap and not working out stresses me more and makes me feel like crap. And I've started 2 more classes. I'm excited about getting my Ph.D. and taking these classes, but it just adds that much more to my plate.

Why is it, at the first sign of stress or disruption, I turn to food. I know that food does not fix anything. I know that food can actually make things worse. So why do I do that. Why do I immediately want something sweet when things go wrong. I know, it's comfort food. But the truth is, it is not. Eating that kind of stuff does not comfort me, anymore, and usually just makes me feel worse. So why? Why do I do it? Is is some sort of punishment? Am I punishing myself for some perceived wrongs? Does that even make sense? It kind of does. Food, to me at times, can be more than fuel. It can be reward, punishment, friend, enemy, etc. I know that I don't have a healthy relationship with food. If I did I wouldn't look the way I do. So I need to go back to the old mindset of food as fuel. That's all it is. Fuel for my workouts and my life. It can not make me happy, but it certainly can make me feel worse.

But, on the other hand, there is a fine line I walk with food. If I view it too much as fuel, I don't eat enough of it. I get bored with meats and veggies and will unconsciously cut back on how much I eat. I don't do it on purpose, it just naturally happens. Then I start to get tired. A. Lot. So I have to concentrate on food as fuel, but the fuel must be eaten.

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