One stray comment
Yesterday the Crossfit open started. Now the open and I have a bit of a history. In 2013 I was so excited for the open and I totally rocked those workouts. I got toes to bar and everything. 2014 rolls around and I'm super excited about them now. The problem was I was injured that year. I was a mess. I could hardly squat. I couldn't hold anything over my head for more than a second or two. I was a hot mess. I also didn't complete all the workouts. I felt like a loser. This year I approached with a bit of ambivalence. Having gone both ways, good and bad, I was unsure what this year would hold. The good part is that this year they are offering a scaled division. That made me hopeful. Yesterday was the first one. It was:
9 minute AMRAP
15 toes to bar
10 deadlifts 55#
5 Snatches 55#
Followed immediately by
6 minutes to find 1 RM clean and jerk
I am so close to the toes to bar and I was a little frustrated that I couldn't do them. But not that much. I ended up with 124 reps which works out to 4 full rounds plus 4. Not too shabby. Then it was on to the clean & jerk. I immediately did the 55# just in case I ran into any problems, at least I would have a score. Then I swapped out the light plates and put on the 25#, for a jump from 55# to 85#. Did it easy. Added 10#. No problem. Added 5#. No problem. Added 5# and started to feel a problem but I got it. With literally 1 minute left, I decided to try for more and threw on 5#. I got it. I probably could have gone higher if I had more time and wasn't so freaking tired, but I am pleased with what I did.
After my round, the girl who was scoring me and I were talking about the clean & jerk. She was expressing concern over the jerk. I said how that part is easy for me. If I can get it up, I can generally jerk it. She looked at me and said that's because you are built like a weightlifter. I didn't really catch that comment at the time. It was only later that it came back to me and literally stopped me in my tracks. I am built like a weight lifter. All my life I have wanted a thin, svelte body and that is never going to happen. I have muscles. I have huge traps, always have and I've always hated them. Now I love them because they make me strong. I've always hated my thunder thighs. Now I love them. I have a weightlifters body. What a revelation. That changes everything. How can I hate a body that does amazing things like lift 250# and clean & jerk 108# after doing a serious WOD. And then getting up and doing another WOD this morning. How can I hate a body like that? Yes, it is not thin and it never will be. It will never be a size 10 or maybe even a size 12 again. But I think I'm finally really and truly okay with that. I will continue to eat healthy and I will continue to do Crossfit and with any luck I'll lose a little weight but hopefully I'll gain more muscle.
It is amazing how one stray comment can change everything.