11 June 2015

How about now?

I am super frustrated with myself lately. I feel overwhelmed by all kinds of things; money, housecleaning, dissertation writing, school; and yet I do nothing about it. I find myself spending far, far too much time sitting in front of this computer scrolling through Facebook for the 1,000th time or watching completely mindless TV for no apparent reason at all. I put off doing things until they become a huge issue and I wonder why I'm not happy. I have more excuses then Carter has liver pills. I'm not eating right, I'm hardly working out, in fact I'm hardly moving. I'm reacting to things instead of taking action. I'm sick and tired of it. I hate having the dialogue running through my head of what I should be doing while I'm busy doing something completely and totally useless. I delay, procrastinate, make excuses, and then sit and wonder why my life is out of control. I'm done with it. Done. Staring right here and now things change. I cannot continue to live like this. I can't. Well, that felt good. I really want to scream it from the rooftop but I'm pretty sure my neighbors wouldn't like it. I've felt this way for a while and yet I can't seem to do anything about it. This is my line in the sand and my call to action.

I keep waiting for the lightening bolt of inspiration or motivation to strike me and get me moving in the right direction. When what I've found is that motivation will come for a day, week, month and then fade and I'm back where I started. So screw inspiration or motivation or whatever the hell you want to call it. Screw it. I'm going to create my own motivation. Be my own inspiration and take back control of my life. Starting today, no, starting right now. I am going to create a list of things that need to be done. I will then break them up into smaller lists of things I can do daily or weekly or hourly or however the hell it breaks down. Then I will do it. No excuses, no delays, no bullshit. I will just do it. I will use that phrase in the title, how about now?, constantly. I will no longer sit looking at Facebook while I think about all the things I should be doing. I will just do them then look at Facebook. I am going to break my addiction to social media. From now on I will focus on what I need to be focused on and social media has to wait.

Feeling very good about this. I am a very strong person and I need to take back control. I know when I get to feeling overwhelmed, I just shut down. I stop taking action and just start reacting. That does not work for me. So it's back to taking action. I also will shut down if I'm unsure of how to proceed. Well, tough shit. I will start taking action even if I don't know what I'm doing, I can learn along the way.

Alright, I am off to start making my plans for action. Have a great day!!!!

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