211.5

I had to go to the doctor today for an ear infection. As with all doctor visits, I had to step on the scale. That was the number I saw. I can't believe it. I just can't. I'm absolutely speechless.

I started writing this post a few minutes ago and then got sidetracked by something. While i was sidetracked I was thinking about this in the back of my mind. And you know what I came up with? Why am I surprised? Why does this number shock me? I spend more hours sitting than not. Most days I eat like there is no tomorrow. What I should be shocked about is that this number didn't pop up sooner. What kind of cave am I living in? I know what I'm doing, better than anyone, so why am I shocked? Apparently I thought that I could eat with abandon, sit on my ass, and lose weight. It doesn't work that way, who knew?

I think I'm kind of tired of myself. I'm tired of all this trying and failing and trying and failing. F*ck it. Time to get off my ass and just do it. Be like Nike, just do it.

As I sit here typing this, in the back of my mind I'm thinking, I'll have some of the donut holes tonight and start this tomorrow. Bullsh*t. I will start it now. I'm going to take some chicken out of the freezer and make a healthy dinner for myself. As soon as I'm done with dinner, I'm going to brush my teeth and put my night guard in. I'm an adult, I'm in control of myself. I do not need to eat donuts. OMG!!! If I listened to someone talke the way I have been, I would have told them to just suck it up and get over it. Well, guess what? Time for me to suck it up and get over it.