06 September 2015

Thinking, thinking.....


I know that I've been talking about doing a lot of things and not really doing them. I know that I'm not happy the way I am, but am not really doing much to change that. I have a tendency to go whole hog, all or nothing, balls to the wall. This has not worked out well for me in the past as I usually go for a bit then crash and burn. Hard. So I was trying to ease into it this time. Trying to slowly build up to major changes, instead of doing it all at once. I've been walking for at least 15 minutes in the morning and that has been good. I haven't been walking the dogs every night because some nights it is so freaking hot and humid no one wants to move. I joined 24 hour fitness but haven't managed to get over there yet. Hmmm..

Food has not been bad, except for the cookie binge Friday and Saturday. Hubby is all on board with the whole paleo thing so that is going well. I do need to monitor my caloric intake as I tend to not eat enough which makes me sick and tired.

My foot is almost completely better, and that is something I have been using as an excuse. A part of me was using it as an excuse and another part was hoping that by remaining fairly inactive it would clear up. That has helped but not completely. I can walk barefoot with little pain and I can walk with shoes on with no pain. So I think my excuse of foot pain needs to go away. Which means that I need to step up my activity. I need to get a workout in every day. I would like to do a little something in the morning and then stop at 24 hour fitness on my way home. I'm in rough shape, I need to pull out the big guns.

I also need to work on my dissertation. I got slightly inspired yesterday and did some organization. But today I have done nothing. I've watched bad TV. I've taken a nap. But nothing on my dissertation. I get moments of inspiration but then lose it. I need to develop the same outlook on my dissertation that I need on my workouts. Just do it. Schedule it and then just do it. Whether I feel like it or not, just do it. I need to just do it.

Which requires me to compartmentalize my life. I need to be extremely productive at school and let my TAs help me out a lot. I need to get school work done at school and leave my home time free for home stuff.

I always say that I work well with a to-do list, I can go back to that. I have not had a to-do list for home stuff in forever. There is plenty of time during the day to get everything done that I need to get done, but if I spend hours watching TV, playing games, and napping, there is not enough time. There is also plenty of time to do what needs to be done and spend some down time in the pool or doing something I like. Also, a to-do list will keep me focused on the things I need to do and therefore I won't spend time trying to figure out what I should do next.

I need to just schedule things and do them. I don't put my classes off at school, well, once in a while, but I can't because they are scheduled and the students show up. I have to be ready and I have to do something, whether I feel like it or not. I cannot wait until I feel like it because I will never feel like it. Or I will not feel like it often enough.

I've been feeling very down on myself and I think I have finally hit on why. I've been waiting to feel inspiration to do these things. I've been waiting for external motivation and it is never going to come. Never.

As usual, I think I have managed to talk my way through this issue and I know what needs to be done. It is a matter of doing it. Just do it. I am no longer allowed to say that I don't feel like it. I am off to get things planned out for tomorrow.

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