Update

So after my post 2 days ago, I scrapped all my to-do lists and lightened up. And it worked. My to-do list was cut down to 2 items and I completed them. Today, my to-do list had 2 items and I completed them. I also did another thing that was not on my list. All because I did not feel the overwhelming pressure a giant list or lofty goals produce in me. Okay, I think that I finally get it now. I have set my plans for tomorrow, but the rest of the week is still blank so I don't have the pressure of knowing that I have to do these things all week. I'm not sure that even makes sense, but it does to me.

So now I am left with the task of finding my motivation to work out regularly and at a high level. At least high enough to help me lose weight. So I am considering signing up for a race. I would love to do the Bisbee 1000 in October and that is enough time to get into shape for it. But now I'm afraid that signing up for a race will put undue pressure on me and I'll freeze. Should I just do it day by day until I can get a bit of a habit going? Ugh!!! I fucking hate this......Why can't I just be normal and do things I want to like other people??? I'm going to bed.....