21 March 2018

Sometimes things need to blow up before they can be fixed

So yesterday I kind of let loose on the 'friendship' chat. The girl who was away for a funeral was back and asked who was going to the dog park in the morning. Well everyone else jumped in and said oh, I'll go, I'll go. I just lost it. I said, Wow, I was there for 11 days and no one came to see me. Thanks. I see where I stand. Got it. Guess I'll see you guys whenever. And from there it just blew up. One girl told me she figured I was over her and her drama, which could not be further from the truth. This is probably the one I like the best. Then we got into the whole private conversations thing, where it seems like everyone is closer to everyone else because they talk and we don't. It was all very high school and childish and I'm afraid it will have fundamentally changed things for us. This could be good or bad, don't know yet, we will see how it all plays out. I feel kind of bad, but then I don't. Some things were said that needed to get out and I think it helped clear the air. We'll see what happens from here.

I woke up yesterday in a bit of a bad mood, and this just caused it to worsen. I was in a horrible mood all day. My 2nd-period class, my least favorite, caught the brunt of my anger, unfortunately. I have got to come up with a better way for that class. I think I will do that today. I'm thinking a seating chart Anyway, I ended up leaving school early because of the mood I was in. It was nice to get out early and home early. I was home by 3 pm. Took a dip in the pool and just vegged the rest of the night. Then last night I slept well. Really well. The alarm went off at 4 am and I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up at 4:05 sure I had overslept. But no, so I ended up getting up early. Got my meditation in for the day and had a few minutes to do a brain dump here.

I just needed to take a few minutes and get this off my brain. I find that writing here really helps me sort things out and remove stuff from my brain. This hasn't helped a whole lot, but I'm hoping that I can lose the bad mood. I don't think I'm in as bad a mood as yesterday, though it's still not great. Maybe I'll listen to music on the way to school instead of a book.....hmmm....that might work.

Okay, time to go get ready for school and the day ahead.

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