17 September 2021

Self-created issues everywhere

 Had a couple of small issues at school the past couple of weeks and I'm definitely thinking it's my mindset. I need to change that and so this post will hopefully work it out. 

The first one, a student lied about something I said. I didn't get upset at the time and was very proud of myself for that. But now I'm beginning to question my reaction in light of other things happening. 

The second one happened yesterday when I apparently took a bad tone in an email to the entire staff. I could write pages justifying what I wrote, but that's not the point. The point is that I think I may be a little off and I need to figure out why. 

This year is not going like any of us thought it would and I'm fairly confident that has to do with the last year and a half. Some students have literally not been in school all that time. These years are important for social/emotional development and they have missed out on a lot of that by being home for 18 months. Some kids took to it and flourished, others not so much. I think many of the adults have suffered similar issues, and possibly me. It is possible that I've had so little interaction with other adults that I tend not to see when I overstep. I need to pull it back a little bit. I need to think before I act and I need to consider how this will be taken by the receiver. Both in things I say and in things I write. 

I like to think that I deal with most things with equanimity but the truth is that is not happening lately. I've been getting upset over small things and letting setbacks really derail me. I've been getting frustrated with people and situations that I have no control over. So, it's time to work on my equanimity and let things go that I can't control. How do I do that? I question my thoughts. Question, question, question.. I cannot let any thought go unquestioned especially if it is a thought about frustration, aggravation, irritation, whatever. I do not want those things to control my life and my mind and I'm going to stop them right here and now. I had somehow allowed the questioning to slip and it's time to bring it back. So, I'm going to dedicate my weekend to questioning my thoughts. I need to dig into them. To understand them. And to not let them control me. I've also lost my planner tracking. I find that whenever that slips, my thoughts tend to follow. So it's time to get back on track and question everything. 

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