01 April 2023

Still fooling myself

 Had an appointment with the doc yesterday to discuss my lab results. Went to the doc a few weeks ago and some of my blood work was high. Cholesterol was up. Blood pressure was up. Fasting glucose was up. All of these could be indicators that I am developing insulin resistance. That scares the hell out of me. That will ultimately lead to diabetes and drugs and god knows what. I don't want that. I don't want that at all. So it's time to stop fooling myself and it's time to take action. I don't workout and say it's okay. I walk a little and say it's okay. I eat a huge desert and say it's okay. None of that is okay anymore. None of it. I refuse to be someone who lives in denial and then ends up in a hospital bed somewhere. I'm smarter than that. So this is sort of my final line in the sand. I'm done fooling myself and making excuses for myself. There was a time where I worked out in the mornings and in the evenings. It is all documented in this blog. I need to get back to that, but I need to build it slowly and not try to do it all at once. I also need to fit all the things I want to do into my life. I'm not going to plan it out hour by hour like I usually do, that doesn't work. I'm going to just make it happen. I need to meditate and workout in the mornings - just do it. I found that I have plenty of time for that. I need to walk and move in the evenings - just do it. Do I really need to lay on the couch and color for half an hour or an hour? Really? Resting - yes. Relaxing - absolutely. Coloring - not really necessary. I need to get moving more. Ever since we moved to Arizona, I've moved a whole lot less than I ever have before. It's time to change that. And I have got to make the gym a priority. I just have to. I need to lift weights. I need to move heavy things. I need to!!!!  I can't fool myself anymore. I'm getting older. I cannot get away with the things I used to. I have to do things differently. 

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