22 June 2024

I'm done

 I fall into old habits pretty easily. I guess because they are something I'm used to even if they don't really work for me anymore. They are comfortable. They are familiar. And they are easy because I've already mastered them. But I'm tired of them. I mean really, really tired. So I'm trying to convince myself to be done with them. At least some of them. 

I have been focusing on losing weight for so much of my life and I'm really, really tired of it. I don't think a day has gone by that I haven't thought about food or working out in the past 40ish years. I'm tired of it. Yet when I look back on pictures of myself, I really haven't changed my body in all that time. I've been hardcore workout person and still had the same basic body. I've been super strict on my food and still had the same body. So the lesson I think is that, this is my body. I'm not going to be able to change it a whole lot now. 

So, rather than focusing on weight loss and how my body looks, I should be focusing on keeping things working and healthy for the remainder of my life. I should be focusing on living pain free, being able to do the things I want to do, and enjoying the rest of my life. I know that I've said this before, but I don't think it has really resonated with me. When you've spent so much of your life focused on one thing it is really hard to switch focus. But I need to. Focusing on weight loss is not helping me at all. 

So, I need to go back to focusing on treating myself well. I need to do things not because I want a specific outcome, but because it is good for me. I need to be kind to myself. To do things that help me and not for what they will make me look like. 

See, I've fallen back into that old, old mindset and I've got to get rid of it. So rather than think of things that will help me lose weight or look better or fit into clothes or whatever. I'm going to focus on things that are good for me and that will help me feel myself. That includes things like working out and walking and eating good food.

Okay, I think I'm feeling it again. 

For the foreseeable future, I'm stepping away from Lumen. I think that is feeding into my nonsense. It measures when you are burning fat and I'm kicking myself when I'm not. That doesn't make any sense. I do have some control over my body and how it utilizes food, but it's a long game. 

Okay, that's the plan. No Lumen. Do things that I know are good for me and make me feel good. I'm all in. 

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