12 May 2008

I've been fooling myself....

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about my revelation. And while that was true then, and still is now, I immediately took that revelation and when, ah, I got it, I can relax now. When in fact the last thing I should have done was relax. I should know from my food issues that even though I understand something and completely 'get' it, I can not let my guard down. I am battling years of unconscious programming. That won't be broken overnight.

So what have I done that's so awful?? I stopped paying attention to my food. I was eating well, I was just eating a lot. I had dessert more often than not. I was not stuffing myself, well, except for this weekend :), but I was eating way more calories then I needed. I was working my tail off then negating it with too much food. UGH!!!

So the fooling is over. It ends today. I will write down everything I eat and when. I will measure and weigh my food. I will be accountable. I will not assume that just because I finally understand what's going on in my head I can just go along my merry way and all will be well. I will succeed.

On that note I am back into triathlon training and I'm taking my workouts up a notch. My next race is a 5k on May 25th - I've done that a couple of times and it's a fun race. I want to do it in 35 minutes.

My next 'big' race is Tinman on July 20th, 10 weeks from now. I did this race 2 years ago and had my best tri ever. It was fun, I did great, and really, really enjoyed myself. I have decided I am going to rock that race.

I purchased a personalized training plan and should be getting it soon. I am going to go all out in these workouts. I am going to push myself and require exceptional efforts of myself. I know I can do it. I mean I know I can do it.

If you could hear these words in my head you would laugh. I'm talking to myself like a naughty child. But I'm angry with myself. This morning I noted how my arm muscles are really starting to pop. I stepped on the scale to see how things were going there and it was up 3 lbs. So I've worked my butt off for the past month and I've managed to gain weight!!! I know, I know all about the muscle vs fat issue. I know I'm building muscle and I may well have lost body fat while gaining muscle, I got that. But I don't think so. I would have completely bought that idea if my weight had remained the same. But I think what happened is that I managed to add a couple of pounds of muscle and not lose any fat. I'm pissed at myself and it's stopping right here and now.

Okay, self flagellation over. I swam this morning. I did the same workout I did the last time I swam 1 month ago. Only today it killed me. Okay, not completely , but it was tough. A month ago I did this and thought how easy it was. Today it pushed my limits. 1400m in 47 minutes, including all rest periods. I hit all the timing marks dead on. That's not great, because a month ago I was faster :( Oh well, I got nowhere to go but up.

I probably should get back to work now. Enough whining and moaning for one day.


Irene said...

You'll get it back! I think we all go through this type of thing at some point, especially when it comes to such great physicality. The most important thing is that YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!

You rock!

Michelle said...

We're all a work in progress, right? The progress you've made includes knowing yourself better and better while you make changes to your body. I bet some of that progress includes learning to recognize back-sliding before it becomes an all out landslide. Um, I'm mixing metaphors but you get it, right? :)

Vickie said...

I'm convinced, its the only way to be accountable for what you're eating. When you write it down, and look at the numbers, you can either be pleased or appalled. Either way, its easy to know what you have to do. Good luck!

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