A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about my revelation. And while that was true then, and still is now, I immediately took that revelation and when, ah, I got it, I can relax now. When in fact the last thing I should have done was relax. I should know from my food issues that even though I understand something and completely 'get' it, I can not let my guard down. I am battling years of unconscious programming. That won't be broken overnight.
So what have I done that's so awful?? I stopped paying attention to my food. I was eating well, I was just eating a lot. I had dessert more often than not. I was not stuffing myself, well, except for this weekend :), but I was eating way more calories then I needed. I was working my tail off then negating it with too much food. UGH!!!
So the fooling is over. It ends today. I will write down everything I eat and when. I will measure and weigh my food. I will be accountable. I will not assume that just because I finally understand what's going on in my head I can just go along my merry way and all will be well. I will succeed.
On that note I am back into triathlon training and I'm taking my workouts up a notch. My next race is a 5k on May 25th - I've done that a couple of times and it's a fun race. I want to do it in 35 minutes.
My next 'big' race is Tinman on July 20th, 10 weeks from now. I did this race 2 years ago and had my best tri ever. It was fun, I did great, and really, really enjoyed myself. I have decided I am going to rock that race.
I purchased a personalized training plan and should be getting it soon. I am going to go all out in these workouts. I am going to push myself and require exceptional efforts of myself. I know I can do it. I mean I know I can do it.
If you could hear these words in my head you would laugh. I'm talking to myself like a naughty child. But I'm angry with myself. This morning I noted how my arm muscles are really starting to pop. I stepped on the scale to see how things were going there and it was up 3 lbs. So I've worked my butt off for the past month and I've managed to gain weight!!! I know, I know all about the muscle vs fat issue. I know I'm building muscle and I may well have lost body fat while gaining muscle, I got that. But I don't think so. I would have completely bought that idea if my weight had remained the same. But I think what happened is that I managed to add a couple of pounds of muscle and not lose any fat. I'm pissed at myself and it's stopping right here and now.
Okay, self flagellation over. I swam this morning. I did the same workout I did the last time I swam 1 month ago. Only today it killed me. Okay, not completely , but it was tough. A month ago I did this and thought how easy it was. Today it pushed my limits. 1400m in 47 minutes, including all rest periods. I hit all the timing marks dead on. That's not great, because a month ago I was faster :( Oh well, I got nowhere to go but up.
I probably should get back to work now. Enough whining and moaning for one day.
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