23 February 2009

So here's the thing

I feel like I'm in a holding pattern and I don't like it. It was 8 months ago we decided to move to Colorado. We knew we wouldn't be able to move right away because of the dogs. They are just too old and sick to move, the move itself would probably kill them. Okay, we agreed to wait till they passed away. In the mean time I decided to go back to school to be a high school teacher. I was told that would take 12 months to certification and 18 months to a masters. Cool, I could do that. Now here we are 8 months later and I feel like we are no closer to moving then we were 8 months ago. Plus, on top of that, I feel horrible because we can't move till the dogs pass away so by being anxious to move I almost feel like I'm wishing them to die, and I'm not. But, oh, aaaarrrrggggg!!!
Meanwhile 12 months to certification is really 16 months and 18 months to a masters is really closer to 24 months. I'm ticked but I'm into it already so what do I do??? Quit and start over somewhere else?? No!! Grit my teeth and finish it out?? Yes!!! aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!
And, when I lost my job in December I thought actually it was a good thing because now I could look for a job in teaching. But that is turning out to be maybe not so good. I'm going for my certification in science, I have an opportunity to teach math. If I'm teaching math next year that means I won't have time to teach science and get certified. I could switch to math but that's going to involve lots more tests, more classes and probably another semester or two. aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!! So what do I do??? Hold out for a science job??? What if I don't get one?? We can't go much longer without me working. I could get a job somewhere, retail or something, but that is going to be so stressful on me. High school, working at high school, my school, all the bloody work with my school, working a real job. See my dilemma?? aaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to stress out. Really stress out. It's possible it's due to some of the immediate assignments I have coming up like teaching a lesson tonight and it sucks. Tomorrow I start teaching my unit and I'm getting nervous.... aaaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and have a couple of options to engage them but I'm afraid to choose the wrong one and I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out and and and........... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!!!!!

1 comment:

Mia Goddess said...

Well, if Hawaii is anything like California, there's a nonstop need for both math and science teachers, so hold out for the one you want. Hold on, Flo, it will get better. In a few months, when you're teaching science and finishing your masters while scratching your doggie's ears...well, then you'll be wondering what all the fuss was about because it turned out perfectly for you.

The end is near

 of summer vacation that is. Teachers are due back next Monday, which means this is my last week of freedom. It's been a good summer. I&...