17 March 2012
One week I'm up, next week I'm down, only to go back up again the following week. In the entire time I have been at WW I have lost .4 lbs. Yes, you read that right .4. I am so very, very tired of this. However, on the plus side, I have not gained. Before that I was constantly creeping upward, there was never any downward movement. So I haven't gained in 5 months and that is a huge plus. But I want to lose.
I rode my bike to WW this morning and as I was riding home I was thinking about this subject. As I was riding I also noticed that I am much stronger riding then I was 2 weeks ago. I didn't wear my watch, but I felt like I made the journey in record time today. And I just generally felt stronger. So I started thinking about how every little bit helps me become a better, stronger rider. Even those short, 5 minute, rides to the bus stop in the morning add to my overall fitness and bike riding ability. That lead me to think about my weight loss or lack there of. Every week I say I'm going to do better this week. I'm going to work out, I'm going to track everything I eat, I'm going to avoid desserts...blah, blah...blah....So rather then set up these huge goals, which really aren't that huge but at this point..., I'm going to take it one small step at a time. Build my successes slowly, like I did with bike riding. So one meal at a time will be my mantra for today, and we will see how it goes.
14 March 2012
The instructions are as follows:
- Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.
- Drop into a squat with your hands on the floor in front of you.
- Kick your feet back.
- Return to the squat and push up with your arms.
- Leap up with your arms overhead.
I hate these things. I despise them. They make me sweat, and breath hard, and want to vomit. I hate them. But I do them. I know they are good for me and I know that the more I do them the better I will get at them. So I do them. Bitching and moaning and grumbling the entire time. Kind of like the way I used to do push-ups. I used to hate push-ups. Hate. Them. But I did them because I knew they were good for me and I knew that the more I did the better I would get. So I did them. And I did. Get better that is. Now push-ups do not bother me at all. I'm not great at them but I'm better then I used to be and I do them gladly.
Now I do that with burpees. I hate them but I do them. And guess what? I'm getting better at them. I can do 15 in a row and not hurl. I just did a ladder of 10 burpees/10 mountain climbers, 9 burpees/9 mountain climbers, 8 burpees/8 mountain climbers, .....all the way until 1 of each. I did them well. I did the whole series in 11 minutes. Pretty impressive I would say. Especially for someone that hates burpees.
In other news, I think I have an achilles tendon problem. My left calf is tight, really tight. Then today as I was doing the mountain climbers, I felt a pulling/burning over my heel bone. Yikes. It got better as I did more and it stretched out but I think I have a problem.
The pain is even towards the inside of the foot. I think it's time for some preventative medicine. Ibuprofen, ice, rest, like that.
So after I wrote my post last night I got to thinking. I mean really, really thinking. I really do have nothing to be afraid of. I'm afraid of failure?? That doesn't make a lot of sense since I've failed at many things. Maybe I'm afraid of success. But that's kind of silly too because success would just get this burden off my back. Maybe I like the burden. Maybe I like saying oh I have to write this thesis, I have to work out, I have to do this, I have to do that....blah, blah, blah..... Maybe that's it. I'm not 100% positive but I know that I really want to write my thesis and workout. That's definite. So I'm taking the bull by the horns and doing that. Starting right now.
I woke hungry, actually starving, and really needed something to eat, so I had breakfast. I need to wait at least an hour or so before I work out now. So I'm going to work on the thesis and then workout. I'm going to break it up too, so I'm not sitting on my ass for 3 hours straight. I'll work for a while, then go do something. Come back and work for a while more, then go do something. I'm not setting a time limit on how long I work because if I get on a roll I can work for an hour without blinking, other times 15 minutes is a stretch. So that's my plan today. Progress. Now.....
13 March 2012
I have to write a thesis. I have to write this thesis by May. If I don't all hell breaks loose and life gets really, really difficult. I've known this for months. Easily 4 months. Have I done anything? Not really. Do I have anything to really show for all that time? No. Why? Although deep down I've known the answer all along, I haven't been really able to admit it to myself until tonight. I don't believe in myself. I don't believe that I could do this. Now, let's examine that for a few moments and just realize how ridiculous that really is. I write. A lot. I have been blogging for 8 years. For probably 6 of those years I've even made money off my blog. My writing. On top of that I've written innumerable papers and literature reviews and what not for school. I've done all kinds of things but for some reason I think I can't do this. That's insane. Look at this, right here, right now. I'm sitting writing coherent sentences and paragraphs off the cuff. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm so used to writing off the cuff, off the top of my head, that the thought of sitting down and writing something structured and formal is scary. That makes sense to me. In fact, after I wrote that I felt a kind of relief. So I think that's the problem. I can write free-form so to speak, but writing formally, scripted scares me. I can do that. In many ways I just have to be more creative because I have to write in verse I'm not used to. I need to view it as a challenge and not a chore.
Now, on to this weight loss thing. I haven't been doing very well there either and I'm trying to figure out why. I do know that breaks tend to bring out the slug in me. But, I need to look at it differently. Activity, working out, gets the creative juices flowing. I came up with a way to get started on my thesis during a walk this morning. So activity promotes my thesis writing. So I need to re-frame this. Working out is not for losing weight, but promoting creative thinking for my thesis. I need to believe in myself that I can do this. I can do whatever I want to. Whatever I set my mind to.
So no more doubts, no more negative thinking. For the remainder of this week I will make significant progress on my thesis. I will get to the end of the week and have the literature review, the methods and materials, and the personal reflection done. I will do this, more importantly I can do this.
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