21 February 2015

Seeking balance

I am a person of extremes. With me it is all or nothing. Fast or dead stop. Feast or famine. I've been that way for most of my life. I'm working very hard now, in my old age, to find balance. Rather than fast forward or not at all, I'm trying to find a speed that plays well for me. I'm trying to find this balance, this middle ground, in all areas of my life and I'm not sure that I am succeeding at any of it. I have a habit of procrastinating that then requires me to pull marathon sessions to get things done. That is not balance. I will work out for an entire week, then eat an entire box of cookies in one night. That is not balance. I need to find balance and I'm not sure why I can't. Is that I have too much on my plate? Or not enough? Am I trying to accomplish things that I don't want to? Am I not having any fun? All of these things will make balance impossible to find. So what can I do about it? Work to find that balance? Include something in every day that makes me happy? Plan things out and stick to the plan? I just don't know. I don't know what will work. I've tried so many things and not had great success. What do I do now? Try again? Keep trying? The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting different results. But what can I try that I haven't tried before? Maybe I'm not giving these things a far shot. Maybe I need to stick with it longer and try to make it work. I just don't know. I really, really don't know. What I do know is that I'm tired of the way things are going and I need to change them. Maybe I'll try again today. Maybe instead of just wanting, I'll start doing. Maybe instead of thinking things through and trying to understand why, I'll just move. Just move in the direction I want to go in and hope for the best. Stop thinking, start acting. Maybe I'll try that......

6 hours later:
So I got up from the computer and just started doing. I showered. Washed the sheets. Brutally cleaned this room. Just worked and worked and worked. I feel better. I feel like I've accomplished something. I feel like I have purpose and goal. Doing is good. Thinking is good, but doing is better.

16 February 2015

Lazy Weekend

that's what this weekend was. Lazy. I did some things but nothing earth shattering. I cleaned house a little. Got some breakfast made for the week. Went to Crossfit twice. Took a nap every day. Went to lunch with Hubby. Did laundry. And all that took me three days. It has been nice to not have papers or assignments hanging over my head. To just take it easy and relax for a couple of days. But I think the relaxing is over. I have to get to school early tomorrow and jump right in to get a lab set up. So it will be early to bed tonight and then up and at em in the morning.

I went the whole week last week without eating any sweets. I avoided cake, ice cream, etc, with no problem at all. Then Friday night the wheels came of the bus and they have not gotten back on yet. Sunday I bought lemon Oreos at the store and over the course of two days, I ate almost the entire package. Now I know this is not good. After I ate some yesterday, I crashed - hard - on the couch for over an hour. I know that was a sugar crash. Especially since I hadn't really eaten any sweets in a week. It hit me hard. On the program I was following, I could eat wheat last week. But I don't like the way that makes me feel. So this week it will be no sugar, no wheat. That's all. Nothing earth shattering. Just avoiding the things that don't make me feel good. I only have to do that for 5 days. Next weekend I can have sweets again, though I'm going to try to avoid eating an entire bag of Oreos.

I'm between classes right now and I would very much like to get some work done on my prospectus. I would love to have it ready to submit by March 10th. So for the next two weeks I'm going to devote 30 minutes every night to it. That should get me really far with it. I have heard from numerous sources that you should write every day, even if it's only for 10 minutes, just write every day. But I honestly don't work that way. I work better if I write, then walk away, then write, then walk away. But then I read something today that made more sense to me. If you don't write every day you lose track of what you are doing. Then every time you sit down to write, you have to figure out where you are and that takes time. With that thought in mind, I see that writing every day, even if for only 10 minutes, makes sense. I submitted my prospectus last week and I seriously have no idea what is in it. So I'm going to try to commit 30 minutes a night to it. That is a huge thing and if I could get that submitted and approved, that would be huge.

Okay, I'm tired and it's time to get ready for bed.

Wasting Time

I have no problem with wasting time in and of itself. Sometimes a little wasted time is good for everyone. I'm having a problem thoug...