23 August 2008

What a difference a couple of days make...

Last weekend I was feeling down and bloated and a little bit like I didn't know what to do. I had also gained for 3 weeks in a row at WW. Not a lot, but up is the wrong direction. Last Saturday I put on a pair of shorts I wear all the time and they felt tight and uncomfortable and I just couldn't wear them.

Well, I have spent the week putting real effort into my workouts, weighing and tracking everything that enters my mouth, and avoiding junk food. It has paid off. I was down 2 lbs this week and I'm sitting here in the shorts I couldn't wear last week :) All that anal retentive stuff this week was worth it. I will probably do it again this week. It's not that hard. I keep track of everything in my WW journal, then log it onto the computer at night. I've also been wearing my HRM when I work out to get a better idea of the amount of calories I expend. I don't take the HRM calories at face value, I generally lower them about 10% or so since I don't completely trust it :)

I did ride my bike to WW today. I have not ridden my bike in about 6 weeks because of my heel. Well, my heel is healing and the chiro said go ahead. Since I'm not training for anything I just took it slow and easy. It was fun. I definitely enjoy riding my bike, probably more then any other workout I do.

Okay, Hubby and I are off to run errands and grab some lunch. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

22 August 2008

So, while I was having a meltdown,

HPU was mailing my acceptance package. It was in the mail today when I got home :) I felt like such a fool having melted down like that. I'm going to put in down to hormones and call it a day. Wow, talk about overreacting!!

Okay, enough of that....

I think my hormones were out of control yesterday. Either that or I just did not realize how much I want to go to school and how much I really want to teach. Weird, I know, but true. But enough of that, let's move on. I'm a firm believer in the fact that things work out the way they are supposed to. So I'm confident it will all work out. Besides, I now have a Plan B :)

I got a Strassburg Sock yesterday. My chiro thinks it will help with my heel problem. How annoying do you think that thing is when you're sleeping?? You are right. Also, by midnight my toes are all squished together and hurting. Yea, that sucks. A. Lot..... I ripped it off in the middle of the night and that's not easy to do. But it does appear to help. My heel did not hurt this morning. I will continue to use it until I master this darn thing. Grrr.....

I've also started a stretching program. One of the problems with my heel is that my calf is so tight. The chiro gave me heel and calf stretches but I quickly realized that my whole body is tight. I haven't done consistent stretching in probably 2 years. So Monday night I started a stretching program. It's nothing serious, just some seated stretches for the back, sides, quads, and hamstrings. Monday night I could hardly hold the positions for 30 seconds. Last night I felt much looser and not only held the positions but some I was pushing. It's amazing how quickly stretching works. My next goal is to add some yoga into my workouts.

Since I skipped yesterday, this morning was strength training. I was feeling good and pushed it a little. I didn't go crazy, just a little deeper on the lunges, holding the squats a tad longer, like that. It felt good and really worked my tail off. Yea!!!

I decided this morning that I am riding my bike to WW tomorrow. The chiro told me not to ride a couple of weeks ago, but on Wednesday he said to start adding those forbidden activities in. Last Sunday I went hiking and that worked out well. Tomorrow I bike to WW. No hurry, taking it easy, just there and back. We'll see how it goes. Sunday I'm hiking again and I believe Hubby is coming with. Cool.

And on that note, I believe I'm out of things to say. And Irene, I completely agree. Every month I pray menopause will start. I'm done already, enough!!!!

21 August 2008

Things may be heading downhill again.....

ugh!!! I wish I could compartmentalize my life. I wish I could keep work separate from working out separate from finances separate from things I want to do, like that.

I woke this morning feeling no so hot. It's that time of the month and I was feeling kind of crappy. I decided to put off my strength training to tomorrow but thought some time on the elliptical would be a good idea. So I hopped on and did 30 grueling minutes. It was good and I was proud of myself. Then I went to check my email.

I've been waiting to hear if I've been accepted to graduate school. As of last week they had not received my letters of recommendation. Since the 2 people I originally asked were not available, I quickly contacted 2 more people. I know for a fact they were mailed last Wednesday and the school should have gotten them by Thursday. School starts Sept 2nd, which is less then 2 weeks away, and I'm getting a little antsy to know if I'm going to school or not. So last night before going to bed I emailed the graduate admissions counselor to see if I could find out what the status is. Just a side point, everything that needed to be in that was in my control was done in June!!! It's stuff that's out of my control that's holding it up. This is the reason I HATE having to rely on other people. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I get up to find an email that the counselor is out of the office until Sept 2nd. She gave the email of another counselor to contact. I called the graduate admissions office unfortunately the student who answered the phone really couldn't help me much and the other counselor wasn't in yet. So I forwarded the email I sent to the original counselor and an waiting for a response.

The thing is it's probably too late. If they haven't the letters yet I don't really have time unless I hand carry them down. I'm really bummed about this. I knew this was something that I really wanted to do but I didn't realize how much I wanted it. When it hit me that I may not be able to go to school next week I actually started crying. That's how badly I wanted to do this. And it's not just going to school. There is a whole chain of events that I was really, really looking forward to. I was going to go to school and in 12 months be a certified teacher. We were going to move to Colorado and I was going to get a teaching position. We have plans of traveling during the summer, having animals, starting a home based business. Just a whole life that would revolve around not working as much. It's almost like I'm watching it fade away.

Yes, I could start in the spring but that throws the whole timeline off and it'll be 2 years till we get to Colorado.


Yes, I could go to another school but HPU is only one that offers certification in 12 months. Everyone else is 18-24 months. That puts us in Colorado in 2 years.

Yes, I could get a job doing what I'm doing now in Colorado. That would have me commuting into either Denver or Colorado Springs which would limit where we could live and I don't want to do that.

Do you see?? I had it all planned out and it was perfect. Now it's not and I don't know what to do. I handled it this morning by getting a giant iced coffee and a pack of donuts at 7-11. That didn't really help at all :(

I am seriously depressed.

20 August 2008

How, or why, do these things happen??

I wish I could nail down the formula for motivation. If not for everyone at least for me. I'm not sure exactly where it comes from, or goes for that matter. I know when I've lost it I would give anything to get it back. And when I have it it propels me forward into territory I like living in. So why can't I keep it all the time?

Maybe it's just remnants of my old habits. I used to be a binge eater. I never called it that and probably never admitted it even to myself, but I was. I would go on a binge and eat till my stomach hurt and I was sick to my stomach. The entire time I would be screaming inside my head 'why are you doing this?? STOP!!STOP!!' yet I would continue on as if something else had control of my body. I did eventually manage to break that habit. It took time and basically it was making the binges shorter and shorter until now when 2 cookies can constitute a binge :) Maybe my loss of motivation is like my binge eating.

I used to be incredibly lazy. I would sleep 9-10 hours a night. Take a nap during the day. Snooze in my car. Then lay around watching TV from all my hard work :) Then I started working out. It was slow at first but gradually I built it up. I would have bouts where I would stop working out for weeks or months at a time. Maybe it's a hangover from that habit. Maybe I lose motivation just because I used to be so incredibly lazy. My bouts of not working out are getting shorter and shorter. And I don't go without working out at all. I generally will get a couple of workouts in during the down time even though I have to force myself. So maybe that's it. Maybe I'm in the midst of breaking an old habit. That's never easy.

Last night I found myself thinking that I couldn't wait to go to bed so morning would come and I could workout. Huh??? Is this the same person who was 'faking it till they feel it' last week? Is this the same person who's been whining for like 2 weeks about working out?? Clearly my motivation and desire to workout is back with a vengeance. That's good, I just wish I knew exactly what I did to bring it back on so strong. Maybe faking it till you feel it really works. Oh well, I guess that's why this whole thing is a journey. If I mastered the eating/working out/weight loss and it never was a problem again what exactly would I do with the rest of my life? And what would I write about here, right???

In other news, Hubby brought home a whole bunch of crap last night. I'm in the process of slowly starting to get rid of things in preparation for the big move next year, and he brings more stuff home. Last month there was a huge tennis tournament at the racquet club and there was a bunch of promotional products leftover. He brought home a bunch of t-shirts that are either very large or way too small. There's some tank tops that are really small, maybe I'll give them away here. I do know that as soon as Hubby isn't looking I'm dumping those shirts. The last thing I need is more t-shirts.

19 August 2008

It's definitely coming back....

and I love it. I love how I feel when I'm eating right and working out hard. I love how my body feels and how my brain seems to function better. I was reading a blog by someone who has officially given up on the whole weight loss thing. This person says they want to stop feeling bad about themselves for not doing the things they know they should. That weighing and measuring food is not something they can live with. That exercising is just not something they want to do. I read that and felt kind of sad for that person. When I work out and eat right things just seem to go better. Health wise things are always much better. I feel more accepting of myself and my body. I feel more motivated to tackle other things in my life that are unrelated to working out and eating. Everything just seems so much better when I'm taking care of myself. And that doesn't mean I have to be losing weight necessarily, it just means I have to take the time to take care of myself and then the rest of my life seems to function better. It's like they tell you on airplanes, you have to put your oxygen mask on before you attempt to help anyone else.

Anyway, back to me :) I got this Red Carpet Ready workout about 3 weeks ago. I started it and ended up so sore I could hardly walk for 3 days. So I rightly decided to go a little slower. I did 2 weeks of doing it easy and only doing 1 circuit (you're supposed to do 2 or 3). Sunday began the serious workouts. I started doing 2 circuits of the workouts and let me tell you what. Ouch!! I'm not sore but I can sure feel some of my muscles. I really like the workout. It takes about 40 minutes to do 2 full circuits and I'm breathing hard and sweating hard when I'm done. I feel like I worked out. After this mornings workout I hoped onto my brand new elliptical machine and got a 20 minute 'run' in. Wow!! I have not been running and I could feel it in my legs. A Lot!!!! It felt great!!!

Anyway, I'm feeling awesome. I'm feeling my mojo, for lack of a better word, returning. I'm feeling inspired and ready to go. I have a feeling I know what part of the problem was but I don't want to jinx it so I'm not going to say a word. I have, for a couple of days, been in a foul mood. Seriously!! I wanted to strangle my husband on Sunday night for no other reason then he didn't fold the laundry!!! Yeah, something is definitely going on. Well, I probably should get to work. I want to call around for some quotes on car insurance. I haven't looked at my insurance in a couple of years so I thought it's time to check it out.

18 August 2008

Okay, now we're cooking.....

The cord for my dirt cheap elliptical came today. Yes!!! I'm very excited.

It takes time but the change is coming around. I worked out a very doable training plan this weekend. I'm logging every bite I eat. I'm already starting to feel it. I'm feeling better and the workouts are starting to click. I have no doubt by the end of the week I will be completely back in the proper head space. Yes!!!

My heel is healing too. I did a little tiny bit of running on the trail on Sunday and it was a tiny bit sore today, but not bad. I think we are making progress. I ordered one of those silly PF socks to wear. The chiro says it will definitely help to keep pressure on the heel all night. I've got to get this heel fixed and soon. I will be doing 2 marathons in 6 months and I am not going to be one of those strollers taking 8 hours to do a marathon. Been there. Done that. Ain't doing it again.

Okay, dinner is almost ready and I'm hungry. The important part is things are definitely turning around.

Sometimes things amaze me....

I got into a long conversation the other day with this 24 year old child who did not remember before the Internet. Their entire realm of experience involves the Internet. They grew up with computers, Google, email, etc..... Wow!! Have I gotten old or what??

Then, this afternoon I'm looking around online for something and I stumbled across Johnson & Johnson's website. Again, Wow!!! I remember J&J from when I was growing up. We always had baby powder in the house and No More Tears Shampoo, God I loved that stuff :) Anyway, as I'm cruising around their site a couple of things struck me. First, I didn't realize they are all the brands they are; Acuvue, Tylenol, Splenda, just to name a few. Second, they really are a leader in the healthcare innovation field. It's truly amazing. They are more then 120 years old!! They are over 250 companies operating in 57 countries. I know, I know, I sound like a commercial for J&J, but it really took me by surprise. I guess that's what happens when you don't pay attention, huh?? Oh yeah, what was I looking for?? A specific KY Jelly.... If you haven't tried it I would recommend you give it a shot. Oh yeah, KY, also J&J......Go figure!!!

17 August 2008

Some mental changes

I've been doing a lot of self evaluation this weekend. As you may have guessed I'm going through a really rough spot and I need to get my head on straight before anything else will straighten out. So I took some time out this morning and went hiking. I swear, there is nothing like being in the great outdoors to put things into perspective and get my head back in the right place. Hopefully things will be better from here on out, not perfect, but definitely better.

As I was hiking, the same trail I hike a lot, I saw this:
100_0609 I noticed the red. Then it dawned on me what it was and I couldn't believe it.

100_0611 It's a little blurry but it's a red pick up truck. How the heck did it get there? It seems like it's been there for a while. I did not think there was a road behind this trail but I had to look up on the topo map to be sure. There isn't. I can not even begin to imagine how that car got there.

The really exciting part of this hike was that I felt so good when I turned around, mentally and physically, that I ran back. I have not done a trail run in years. I was really getting into it when I had a bout of spraining ankles - repeatedly. I stopped and I've been really nervous about doing it again. But there are 2 trail runs I want to do. One is a 4 mile loop in October. The other is a half marathon in December. I felt so good running today, I may add this into my mix and see how it goes.

Okay, that's it. Starting tomorrow it's back to workouts and such. No more whining and crying over they way things aren't. As my wrist says, do or not do, there is no try!!! Time to start doing.

The key to change is awareness

So I posted yesterday that I really had nothing to write about because things were going well and I just didn't have much to say. Scra...