10 September 2011

Light at the end of the tunnel

So after my complete and total melt down on Tuesday, the week got progressively better. I went in on Wednesday and apologized to my co-counsel on the Aloha Show because I had been a total bitch to her. I then told her what was really, deep down, bothering me. When I went for my annual mammogram last month, they found a lump. I have not felt anything during my self-exams, but something showed up on the x-ray. On Thursday I went in for another mammogram and an ultrasound so they could get a better look at it. I thought that I was handling it and in fact ignoring it until I knew more, but clearly I was wrong. I was really scared. My sister had breast cancer and I did not want to deal with that. Well, the semi-good news is that they are pretty sure its just a cyst. Yeah!! I have to go back in 6 months for another ultrasound to check it. So that is much better. Also, once I really admitted to myself what was bothering me it was a whole lot easier to deal with. Plus I took back the control I had relinquished. And I got some very cool technology in my classroom and I'm looking forward to working with it. And just to make things really, really good - I'm calling in sick to Walgreen's today. I don't feel like working and I have decided that I'm not going to.... So there...Now I'm off to waltz, but that's for another post :)

07 September 2011

My big shirt is getting tight

I have a couple of shirts, tank tops, that I like to wear around the house. They are were large and roomy. Well, not so much anymore. I put one on tonight right out of the laundry and it was tight around the tummy. Ummm, yeah,,, Wow!!! Part of the problem is the large amount of stress I'm subjecting myself to. I know the stress hormone causes you to store stomach fat and that's pretty much where everything is showing up.  So now I'm stressed and depressed. {{{sigh}}}  I guess it's time to get really serious. Either that or it's time to give up completely.

Taking Control

For the last few weeks I've been feeling very angry. Last Friday it reached a peak and today it was back. I knew there was something wrong but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. I thought it was stress and that I just had so much going on.  Then tonight when I was walking Bella it hit me, I have lost control. I have lost control of my classroom. I have lost control of the Aloha Show. I have lost control of my life and I do not like it. At. All. What do they say? Admitting you have a problem is half the battle??  Well, I have eyeballed the problem and I plan on changing things.  Tomorrow.  And I'm not putting things off, that's the soonest I can change anything. Well, that's not totally true.  I have already got things ready tonight so that I am in a position to take control tomorrow. I have come up with some ideas for regaining the control I feel I have lost in the classroom and I will address the whole Aloha Show head on tomorrow.  I feel a whole lot better already. Knowing what's wrong and coming up with ways to fix it is a huge, huge step in the right direction.  Part of this is admitting what I can control and what I can't and rethinking those that I can't.  The new semester at HPU started today.  I clearly have done nothing to get my butt into a class so I have to let that go.  I will however get everything ready so that I can take these classes in the spring semester.  There you go, a solution. Not the one I had hoped for but a solution that is workable and within my ability to control.  I can't always control the situation, but I can control how I react to it.  And I choose to take control back thank you.

Forward progress

One of the many, many things I love about AltShift is the mental part. We don't stop and start the program, we deviate and then get b...