15 August 2015
Yeah, exactly. I've got dreams. I've got big dreams. I've got dreams that I am super, duper excited about. Dreams that I cannot wait to put into action. Dreams that are the fulfillment of dreams I've had all my life. Huge, towering, dreams that will make me so happy. Not only will they make me happy, they are within my grasp. They are completely within my control. Whether I succeed or not is completely up to me. I am in the drivers seat. I don't have to wait on anyone to do anything; well, a little. I literally have my future in my hands. And what have I done about it? Not much. In the past couple of months, I could have made so much progress and I haven't. I'm very angry at myself. So, drawing a line in the sand right here.
Today everything changes. No more planning, scheduling, figuring things out. Today everything starts. I have a lot to do and I just want to get it done. I want my Ph.D. I want to move to the mainland. I want to be able to travel during the summer. I want to have the kind of life I've always dreamed of. And I can if I just get off my ass. You know, I love planning, probably a little too much. But I really and truly love action. I love getting things done and feeling that huge feeling of accomplishment. I am completely adrift as to how to start this whole proposal thing, but just sitting here not doing anything is not helping. I need to just start writing and figure it out. The only way I will figure it out is to write it. I'm not going to figure it out in my head.
Then there is the whole exercise thing. I'm finding myself falling into the no energy trap. I'm tired when I come home from school, so I take a short nap, which causes me to miss walking the dogs, then I end up in bed lying awake reading or trying to sleep. Then I get up in the morning and feel draggy and need more caffeine then normal. It's a vicious cycle. The less I do the more tired I get. It is horrible. I have always been a morning exerciser and it is only because of Crossfit that I stopped that. So this week I'm going back to that. Morning exercise. If I get up at 5 - my normal time - have coffee and take care of my morning business, I should be ready to exercise by 5:15 or 5:30 at the latest. 30 minutes of exercise, feed the birds, shower, and get ready for work. Out the door by 6:30. So what has changed? Well, I need to do some prep the night before. Get my lunch, breakfast, and the bird food ready the night before. Also, I can't sit on my phone checking facebook for 20 minutes while I drink my coffee. I don't do that every morning, but I do it more often than not. This also means that no napping at night. I want to walk the dogs, I enjoy walking the dogs, and I know that energy creates energy. If I walk the dogs when I come home instead of napping, I'll have more energy for the evening. Then, after dinner, I can work on things for a couple of hours. Weekends, though I would love to rest, have to be times of great progress. Today is a prime example. I have been up since 5:30, it is now 7:45 and I have done nothing constructive. I am sitting here yawning, thinking it would be nice to crawl back into bed for a short nap. That does not help. It just doesn't.
Okay, that's it. I'm doing it. No more slacking off. No more bullshit. No more nonsense. No more excuses. I am in control and I'm going to take the reins.
Later that same day: Well, that did not go as planned. I did go and work out, I did Shaun T's Cize. It's a dancy workout. I like dancing, I guess it's just been a really long time (like 3 years) since I've done any aerobic type workout so I'm just not used to it. After that I showered and was going to grab some yogurt, but Hubby came home. We got our act together and headed out to do the Costco shopping. That was followed by lunch at Gordon Biersch with a couple of beers and some pupus. All of that was fine. The problem was that I had those beers on a completely empty stomach and they hit me hard. We came home and I passed out on the couch for 2 hours. I have not done that in a long time and I don't like it. It took me 1/2 an hour to really wake up and get myself off the couch. I'm still dragging a little and it's 2 hours later. So things did not go as planned. I could get all depressed and feel like a failure but I refuse to do that. I'm going to use tonight to clean up this desk area and get ready to dive in tomorrow. It's really all I can do. Not going to let it get me down and hold me back. So I start tomorrow. That's it. Simple. I needed this little pep talk to keep myself from getting all down on myself. I'm human and I did not take into account the trip to Costco and lunch today. Things are going to come up, the journey is not going to be smooth sailing all the time. So I made a mistake by not planning on today. Oh Well. Life goes on. Tomorrow is a brand new day.
09 August 2015
I was not as productive as I had hoped to be. Spent a lot of time in the pool and screwing around with my new Macbook Pro that school gave me. I hate apple. I wore my new glasses all day yesterday, for the first time, and I really think I like them. I bought them online from Zenni optical. I was a little leary of doing that because a) it's online; b) it's glasses; and c) I had to measure the distance between my pupils myself. Oh, and they were less than $80. My last pair of glasses were around $400 and that was on sale. Needless to say, I was a little bit leary about how good these glasses would be and how they would work for me. When I got them on Friday, I put them on and found that I could see really well if I looked straight ahead, but if I looked at an angle things got a little weird. My immediate reaction was oh, crap, they are wrong. But I could see so well. Also, with my other glasses, I found myself looking over the top whenever I was doing computer or close work because I couldn't see very well with them. With these new ones I can see great close up. So I decided to give them a couple of days and see how it went. My prescription had changed, my vision is improving, so maybe it will just take a little time for my eyes to adjust to the new prescription. So I wore them all day yesterday and did not have to take them off once to read something - something I did all the time with my old glasses. I kept finding myself trying to look over the top of them and then realizing that I didn't have to. And I didn't get a headache or end up with my eyes hurting or anything. I think they are actually much better for me than my last glasses were. I like them so much, I'm thinking of ordering another pair for sunglasses. So I think this is the best $80 I ever spent on glasses.
Back to yesterday, it was rather hot and muggy all day so I really didn't get much done at all. I did spent some time play with the new Macbook and, as much as it pains me to admit, I actually kind of like it. The program they have for presentations is nice. It's easy to use (well, Apple's are made for dummies) and has some nice graphics and features. So I'm working with that. I spent much time visiting websites that I use for school and logging in just to register my passwords so the Mac will know them. I don't want to have to sit and try to remember a password with 30 kids staring at me waiting for me do start class. So while it is not a difficult task, it is a tedious task. Then there were the dips in the pool yesterday. Hubby was home for a few hours, so we spent some time together in the pool, always fun.
I did do a little shopping yesterday. I got some of the Chobani yogurts, these:
The coconut flips one is to die for!!! The steel cut oats is good but the banana maple flavor is horrible. I also bought apple cinnamon, I'm hoping that one is better. I like these for a snack. They have protein, they are cool, and they are easy to eat. I will have these as either a morning or afternoon snack. The flips will definitely be an afternoon snack. They are a little high in calories and fat, but they taste so amazing it is like eating a dessert. I think it will be a good little pick-me up around 3 pm. I also bought some high protein bars so that I can grab a snack on the run if I need to. Face it, I need like 3 minutes to sit and eat a yogurt, but a bar I can take with me. I also bought almond/coconut milk. It is a routine that Hubby and I split a glass of milk after dinner every night. I love milk so I do it. I have not done it in the past 2 weeks because he has not been home. I don't miss it and I don't feel so bloated in the evenings. I decided once before that milk didn't agree with me, but I kept drinking it anyway. Well, I really believe that milk does not agree with me and so I'm going to stop completely. I want to make smoothies in the mornings so the almond/coconut milk will be used for that as well as drinking.
It was interesting walking through the store yesterday. I had thoughts of maybe getting some cookies, nah, then maybe a piece of candy, nah, none of that stuff sounded good. The yogurt and almond/coconut milk sounded amazing, but sweets did not. I'm not sure exactly how or why this switch occurred. I'm wondering if it is because I finally stood up to the bully next door or if it is even that this thing just came to a head and now the tension has been removed? I don't know, but I do know that in the past 3-4 weeks, I have had junk food 2 or 3 times max. I feel so much better and I like that I can live without it and am not battling cravings.
Okay, I think I've rambled enough here. I need to be productive today. The plan is to workout, shower, breakfast. Then I need to review my prospectus and submit it and complete my last assignment and get that in. I need to look/work on my Pheonix stuff and be ready for that class to begin on the 18th. I also need to seriously work out a schedule that devotes at least an hour a day to writing my dissertation. I need to do some hard thinking and planning. I may do that in another blog post. Maybe I need to set some S.M.A.R.T. goals for the dissertation and work out how to meet them. Hmmm....that's an idea. I should not have any trouble writing, seem to be able to spit stuff out without much problem. I just need to learn to spit out the right stuff.
Okay, that is it, I am really done now.
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