21 May 2011


Inspiration comes from some of the strangest places, you just really have to be open to it.

I read a lot of blogs, many of them weight loss related. What I have gathered from most of them, when I was open to it, is:

  1. This whole thing has to be done your way.  Now your way may be WW or counting calories or increasing your activity, but it has to be your way.  AND, your way may change over time.  What works now may not work tomorrow. 
  2. You have got to be open to change and find inspiration wherever you can. 
That second one is a problem I have. I get into these ruts and thing well this worked before so I'll just do that.  But I'm not in the same place or position I was before.  My body is not the same. One thing I do know for sure, left to my own devices with lots of time on my hands I get lazy and I eat.  That is the truth, always was and it appears it always will be. When I do too much of that, I start to get thoughts like,does lipofuze work?  My life is changing and it will be busier, so I'm going to focus on eating right and things should start to fall in line.  Once I get used to my new schedule, I'll start adding in workouts and I will gradually increase them. 

Also, I'm learning from my new puppy. Bella has something going on and once in a while limps on her front leg.  She doesn't let that slow her down but she also doesn't push it.  So, just because I have an injury doesn't mean I need to stop everything.  But a little rest & relaxation is always a good idea. 


We have a couple of friends who come over every Tuesday night to play poker. One of the guys has chronic pain from back surgery. He has been on diability for about 10 years and takes pills like they are going out of style. All kinds of pills.

We have another friend who went through a real bad patch and ended up addicted to heroin. He went into rehab, a couple of times. until it finally took. He moved back to Hawaii and has started drinking again, but he seems to be able to keep that under control. He has also started smoking weed again, but even that seems to be in control. However, about 3 months ago he started getting pills from the other friend and taking them. That was his downfall. After just a few weeks he ended up hooked and he was looking into hydrocodone vicodin addiction detox. Again. He knew what needed to be done though and he just stayed home for a week and kicked it. It seems to be back on the sober track, so hopefully he won't slip up again.

20 May 2011

That fine line

There is a fine line between the good and bad of most things. Eating good is one thing, letting it become an obsession or an eating disorder is another.  Sleeping enough is important,  sleeping too much is bad. Relaxing is good, being lazy is bad.  Between most things the line that defines them from a good thing and a bad thing is really thin.  But where exactly is that line? How do you know where it is, when you are approaching it or even, when you cross over?  It's not easy.

Yesterday I had an early appointment that was cancelled.  Since I didn't have to be at work until 10:30, I decided to stay home and take advantage of the free time.  I worked out, got somethings done around here, etc. By the time I got to work I was completely and totally unmotivated.  I was dragging all day and when I got home I had to take a short nap before walking the dogs.  I did manage to stay up until 10 pm, but I slept like the dead. I woke feeling drugged and I had weird dreams - I dreamed I was at the old lab... Anyway, I think in staying around the house yesterday I crossed that line between relaxing and getting lazy, even though I worked out.

So how do I walk those lines?  How do I move enough to keep my energy up without wearing myself out? How do I eat right without becoming obsessed with the numbers?  How do I do this?  How do you do this?

19 May 2011

Stream of Consciousness

  • It appears to be shaping up to be a very, very warm summer. In order to consistently get my workouts in I'm going to need to get them done before 6 am.
  • Which is fine because then I will have a couple of hours between 6-11 to work on my thesis every day. 
  • Between thesis, summer school, and part time job I should be very busy this summer. 
  • When I move into the "I love staying home" mode, there is something going wrong. 
  • Every time I move into the above mode I gain weight. 
  • Hence, being home makes me gain weight.
  • Or possibly, there's something deeper going on that the weight gain and wanting to stay home is a symptom of.  
  • I will need to be more organized and detailed if I plan to finish this thesis. 
  • This weekend I'm going to set up a routine and a method for keeping on top of things and heading in the right direction. 
  • Organization, planning, and avoiding procrastination will be the keys to staying on track this summer. 

Time on my hands

Some unexpected free time fell in my lap this morning. I was supposed to go somewhere and so I arranged to go into work late. But, at the last minute, it was cancelled. I was then faced with a choice; go in at my regular time or still take the time off and go in late. I decided to go in late. It gave me the opportunity to have a few hours to myself and also to get a workout in. I'm proud of myself for making the best of this windfall of free time.

**Update: Started working out to Bob's Cardio Challenge and realized quickly that I was not going to make it all the way through. When I did this one on Saturday I ended up taking a 2 hour nap. I'm going to school and can't do that. I think it's time to admit that I am woefully out of shape. So I did 20 minutes, which completely kicked my ass, and called it good. I am sweaty and breathing hard and if that's all I got that's all I got. Consistency will improve my fitness, even if it's 20 minutes at a time.

18 May 2011

Happy, happy, joy, joy


see more dog and puppy pictures

I feel things are starting to get better. At least mentally. I did not get up and work out this morning, but I definitely feel a whole lot better. I did not realize how much my thoughts were really bringing me down. I know we are all going to die but I want to make this ride fun. I want to do things I want to do and enjoy myself in the process. So I'm working on it. I have the ability to find fun in just about anything so I need to do that more. So I'm working on it. I will conquer this and I will get back to where I want to be.

17 May 2011

Can an epiphany be slow in coming???

I have been slowly coming to an epiphany - if that's even possible. A couple of years ago I started thinking about the basic futility of life. I began to just go through the motions because I kept thinking, what was the point of it all? Really. We are all going to die so what is the point of all this? I made this discovery in my thinking a year or so ago and it is something I have to battle. It may be a sign of depression, I'm not really sure. What I do know is that I don't like it. I don't like feeling this way and I don't like thinking this way. If everyone thought this way absolutely nothing would get done. I decided to switch careers and become a teacher because it is something I've always wanted to do. At the time I made that decision I was near the peak of my fitness and I was enjoying life. A. Lot. Over time though, the inevitable futility of it all has started to weigh on me.

Then, while watching the Biggest Loser tonight, they talked a couple of times about finishing what you start. And that really struck a chord with me. I don't finish what I start and I think it's a by product of the above thinking. I also know that when I do finish something I feel like a rock star and it inspires me to do a whole lot more. So I think it's time for a change.

Life is not going to last forever. None of us are getting out of this alive, but there is no reason I can't have a good time along the way. I love teaching. I love my dogs. I love my house. I have things I enjoy doing. As long as I have to be here, I may as well enjoy the ride. So it's time to change up my attitude. I need to focus on doing things I enjoy and make this journey a fun one. I don't know how long I'm here for, so let's make this a ride to remember.

So I should have a plan and some goals.  And I do.

Long Term:

  • I want to do marathons and triathlons
  • I want to get my PhD. 
Medium Term: 
  • Lose 15 lbs. 
  • Start running, biking and swimming again
  • Finish my thesis
Short Term: 
  • Start working out regularly 
  • Eat right more times than not
  • Get off my ass
Really short term: 
  • Get up tomorrow and workout
  • Track calories eaten
  • Start reading through articles and narrow down my thesis topic
  • Email Dr. VG and set up a meeting re: thesis
Just writing these things out and formulating a plan makes me feel good - powerful. I like it.  So let's go. 

Full Circle

This time it's only taken me one month to come full circle.  Unbelievable.  On the other hand, maybe this is a good sign.  The episodes are getting shorter and shorter, eventually I'll get off this merry-go-round completely. I was under so much stress, for me anyway, that I could not focus on anything.  Now that the stress is lifting I think I can get back on track.  I really have to.  My pants are starting to get tight and I'm starting to get aches and pains, my left shoulder hurts like hell and I have no idea why. So I need to start working out again. Tomorrow. I also need to really track my food. I don't think I eat a lot but when I don't track I think I eat much more than I should.  So it all begins again tomorrow.  I try to look at this like quitting smoking. I quit a hundred different times until it finally stuck. Well, that's what I'm doing here, eventually it will stick and I won't have to start over all the time. Too bad they don't sell some kind of insurance for starting over. Or would it be failing to follow through?  Anyway, I even went to www.wholesaleinsurance.net to see what they had. And I was right, no insurance for this. Oh well. So here we go again....

15 May 2011

Lots to do today

My to-do list is pretty long today.  I have some things that need to get done, some things that should get done, and some things I want to get done.  So I'm going to prioritize it in that order:

Need to get done: 

  • Walk the dogs
  • Laundry
  • Bella to the vet
  • Yoga - 1 hour

Should get done: 
  • School work
  • Letter to parents re: Aloha Show
  • Clean bathroom

Want to get done: 
  • Clean off the DVR
  • Wii - Dance
  • Iron clothes for work
  • Get food ready for tomorrow

Well, when I break it down it's not that bad at all.  I think I will get everything done today since Hubby is working so I'll be home alone all day. (Note how I put my workout in the Need to get done column :) Great.  During all this I plan to eat right and drink lots of water. 

I woke this morning feeling really good. Even though I didn't workout as much as I'd hoped and I ate more than I wanted to, I felt a whole lot better this morning.  Clearly I've been eating way, way too much stuff and the wrong kind of stuff.  So here's to a really, really good day.  

Let's review

The day went fairly well. The first day of getting back on track is always difficult. The body is used to eating junk out of control and it's hard to stop that cold turkey. Also, eating like crap the day before sets me up for failure the next day. So today was tough but, because I toughed it out today, tomorrow should be a little better. Awesome. I updated my to-do list in the previous post and a couple of things went undone.  That's life. But I want to look at the numbers to see how it came out.

                                                   Goal                                        Actual

Calories Burned                          2500                                         2137
Calories Eaten                             1800                                         1950
Steps taken                                10000                                        8900

Overall, not bad at all, but there is definitely room for improvement.

Social media holiday

I've decided to take a break from social media. I spend far, far too much time just scrolling through Facebook. Yes, I get a lot of in...