26 May 2012
Don't you wish life came with a GPS? Okay, well many will argue that it does and they will then argue over their definition of that such as God, experience, parents, etc. Let us not go there. Also, I'm talking specific instructions; do this, turn right, turn left; not some general guidelines; do what's right, follow your heart, etc. Kind of like a college counselor. You want to be a teacher? Okay, you need to take these 8 classes in this order. You need to write this paper and read this book. Like that. I am a scientist so I like exact and specific. Unfortunately, at least for me, there is no GPS for my life. I have to make my own way and unfortunately I make a lot of wrong turns. Most times I'm able to figure out that I made a wrong turn and quickly get back on track. Other times I will take a turn that has worked for me before and keep taking it, not understanding why it's not working this time. You know what that is right?
So, to quote Susan Powter, it's time to stop the insanity. I am going to workout this morning for the first time in I do not know how long. Since I started riding my bike in February, my workouts have been sporadic and sparse. I honestly do not remember the last time I even attempted a workout. But that changes today. I have a fairly busy weekend with two days of graduation events for school and a dinner out with some fellow teachers. I could totally use all that as an excuse to put off starting the workouts until Monday but that's what I've done in the past and I don't want to do that anymore. I am getting off this highway to nowhere and taking the exit for change.
I am also changing this negative, depressing attitude I've had about this whole weight issue. I am normally a very upbeat, positive person and this negative stuff just doesn't work for me. So it's gone. From now on I'm going to focus on the positive and the good. No more negative, no more downer stuff. I'm not perfect, I'm never going to be perfect, but I can be the best I can be. So here goes. Changes have begun. And they start with a weigh-in and measurements to see exactly where I stand.
Starting weight: 196.2
Current weight: 196.2
1st Goal: 185.0
at May 26, 2012
24 May 2012
So my attitude has been a whole lot better today. Hmmmm.... I followed my planned eating, the only thing is I did eat a little pasta salad and did not eat my apple. It was good, I was full but not overly stuffed. I got sleepy around 3pm but did not fall asleep when I got home like I have been doing. I actually feel pretty good. Yeah me!!!
In the mail today was a promo for 24 hour fitness. I am definitely going to join next weekend and I laughed because the timing for this promo could not have been better. Just out of curiosity I went online to check the deal and see if it's better then the one I was planning on buying. It was better. Much. Much. Better. I decided to bite the bullet and join. So I have joined 24 hour fitness and signed up for 3 personal trainer sessions. I am excited. I might go over on Monday and check the place out. Part of the promo is to celebrate their being in Hawaii for 15 years. I joined when then opened but quit after about 5 years. So it's been easily 10 years since I've been there. This will be interesting.
Anyway, today has been a huge success in my mind. I joined 24 hour fitness, I stuck to my eating plan - mostly - and I feel pretty darn good.
Yesterday's post apparently did not come out the way I planned it. Sometimes what it sounds like in my head and what it sounds like when written down are two very different things. The point I was trying to make is that while initially the comment kind of ticked me off, it really got to me thinking.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
Well, that's what I've been doing these past few months, the same thing over and over and wondering why nothing ever changes. But one little comment got me to see that and to really think about things. I'm tired of being fat and feeling the way I feel. That I'm clear on. What wasn't so clear to me is that I'm not really doing anything to change that. I just complain about it. I make these half-assed plans, that I don't follow through on and wonder why nothing is working for me. DOH!!!! And while I might have known what I was doing deep down, that one little comment brought it to the surface and slapped me in the face with it. That is a good thing.
I know that I need to shake things up and I'm going to do that once school ends next week. I do have a solid plan that I will implement once I don't feel so stressed and have a little more time. But that does not give me the excuse to not do anything at all until then. Sure, right now I don't have time to go to the gym every day or ride my bike for an hour every day, but that doesn't mean I can't eat right. That doesn't mean I can't log what I eat. That doesn't mean I can't wear my HRM when I ride to see how I'm doing. There are lots of little things I can do to get things rolling now. Things that don't require a whole lot of time and effort, just some thought. None of this would have gelled in my mind though if it wasn't for that comment. I was using excuses like they were going out of style. I'm tired, I'm hungry, I can't do it for x amount of minutes, my feet hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts, blah, blah, blah. You know what I tell my students? Excuses are like as*holes, everyone's got one...... So, thanks to that one comment, I'm giving up the excuses. I'm doing what I can, every day and I'm going to stop being a whiny little b*tch.
Because I read that comment yesterday, I spent less time at my computer last night - that is a huge time suck that keeps me on my butt. I ate smaller portions at dinner and I didn't have any dessert. Also, I did get some work done on my thesis. None of these things are huge accomplishments but they are small steps in the direction I want to go. Today I stepped on the scale first thing this morning - this works for me. Even though I know that number isn't that critical, it gives me a gauge to go by. I packed a healthy breakfast and lunch. Breakfast was Greek yogurt with Uncle Sam cereal and a banana. Lunch will be home made egg salad, sandwich thins, maybe a salad and a mango the size of a softball - I love mango. For my snack I have half an apple. That will put my right around 975 calories for the day. I need to drink 3 of my 32oz cups of water. This will set me up for a good evening.
I know what I want and while yes, I can't make any sweeping changes today, I can make small ones that will ready me for the sweeping changes next week. I can also focus on the positive and not the negative. I will focus more on what I am doing and not what I'm not doing. So thank you for that comment.
23 May 2012
It's funny how a little thing can really set me off sometimes. I got a comment, upon intial reading, made me think - oh screw that. They have no idea what they are talking about. That was my initial reaction. But a couple of minutes contemplation really got me to thinking. I have developed an attitude that is not me. I have developed an outlook that is not me. Where did this come from and how did it happen? Hmmmm....
So why exactly do I keep this blog? That is something I haven't really thought about in a long time. I've been doing this for almost 8 years now. Wow. When I started I thought I would do it for a while, I never thought I'd last 8 years. But back to the question, why do I keep doing it? There is definitely one reason that is no ones business but my own, so I won't even go there but I will say, that in and of itself is no reason to keep it going. I do write for me and no one else. Comments are not important to me at all, in fact I've often toyed with the idea of making this private so no one will read it. So I definitely write for me. For me it is more of a mental exercise. It's not for motivation. It's more of a personal journal - what was happening, what was I doing, etc. I don't have a whole lot of use other people - in general. I like to look back and read where I've been and the things I've done.
I know a lot of people do well in these online communities that are everywhere, but they really are not for me. Anything that makes me sit at the computer and prevents me from working out is not a good tradeoff in my opinion. Not that I'm working out all the time, or even enough, but another reason not to is not what I need. That is for sure. I find that I need to be out doing instead of talking about it. And this blog has become a whole lot of talking and very little doing. I have also fallen into a negative space that I don't like at all.
So one little comment has started a cavalcade of thinking. How can I get out of this negative place? How can I end up doing more and talking about it less? Should I even continue with this blog? Maybe 8 years is enough? Lots to think about.
at May 23, 2012
22 May 2012
That is how I feel. My eating for the last 2 days has been totally out of control. I do not possess the ability to say no. To anything. Chips. Egg Rolls. Mini eclairs. Candy. You name it, I have eaten it. I have got to stop this and get things under control or I will end up losing control completely and totally. This has got to stop.
How?? Well, tomorrow I am only taking enough money to buy a salad and nothing else. I will bring my breakfast. I will bring a piece of chicken and buy my salad for lunch. I will eat my apple for snack. That is it. That's all. No More. I have got to get this under control or I will positively burst.
Okay, breath!!! Feeling better and more in possession of my faculties. I made the decision to put off any changes until next week, but it seems to have backfired on me. By saying I was putting it off I apparently gave myself permission to go crazy. That was not my intention. So I need to back track and fix things. I need to start wearing my heart rate monitor and my pedometer. Also, I ended up taking a bus that was really close to work today. My bike afternoon bike ride ended up being about 5 minutes. I need that afternoon bike ride to curb my appetite and get my energy up a little. So, aside from the food tomorrow, I will also ride to the far bus stop. A nice 25 minute ride through town is really a great thing in the afternoons. I will do this.....
at May 22, 2012
20 May 2012
I am gearing up for June 1. I know that you shouldn't wait to start something, you should just jump right in, but I know that for this big a change I really need to plan. So that's what I'm doing. I'm planning. I have a list of things I need to do and things I want to accomplish.
I'm reading Bob Harper's The Skinny Rules and he makes a statement in there about how the Biggest Loser takes the contestants away from everything to break their routines and relationships with food. That's kind of what I'm trying to do. Break all my normal routines and make huge changes. Now all these changes will not remain, some won't work out, some will work for a while, some will have to change once school starts again. But for now large, sweeping change is what I need.
I'm ready to shake things up and change things completely...
at May 20, 2012
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