18 August 2012

The truth


In the last 2 posts I've talked about wanting a treadmill. In the first post I talk about how I like being home with my dogs and that is true, but it's not the whole truth. I've decided to lay it all out here and purge it from my mind and soul. Hopefully it will help.

The truth of the matter is that I could probably be agoraphobic if I let things get out of hand. I tend to be a homebody. I prefer to be home than just about any other place. When I'm feeling fat and not pleased with my body, I want to be there even more. So the way I am feeling right now, I don't feel comfortable going to the gym to workout. I would rather stay home and workout until I have confidence in myself again.

I'm not really sure how to describe it. It's not exactly low self-esteem because I know I can do anything I put my mind to. It's just being uncomfortable with my physical self right now. My workout clothes feel like they look like maternity clothes to me and I don't like it. That's not quite right either.

What I do know is that when I don't work out and I gain weight I tend to lie around the house more and not want to go out. When I workout, even if I'm not super thin, I want to go out and do things more often. I have just re-read that and in my head heard every person on the Biggest Loser saying the same thing. So I guess I'm not so different from most people. Okay....

Well, treadmill or not, tomorrow I start working out at home since I'm not going to the gym.

Frustration


Craigslist is one of the greatest things to come out of the internet and also one of the most frustrating. It's an awesome place to find out just about anything you could possibly be looking for. I have gotten some amazing deals off Craigslist. My Bianchi I got for $80. It's an awesome bike and I'm still using it 7 years later. I just went back in my archives to try and find the date I got this bike and could not locate it. I found references to it in July of 2005 so I'm going with 2005. It's very strange how I can not find that post, I vividly remember the picture of the bike that I put in it....Oh well, that's a post for another day...back to Craigslist.....

So I'm looking for a treadmill. I want one for my house so that I can run/walk when I feel like it. So I've been stalking Craigslist. I've found a couple of really good possibilities. I call. I email. I hound them. They don't respond!! If you want to sell something shouldn't you at least answer your emails or phone calls??? It is so incredibly frustrating. There are 2 treadmills right here in Kaneohe, that I'm really interested in. I can not get the people to respond no matter what I do. Then today I drive all the way to the other side of the island to look at one and the guys texts me literally 2 blocks from his house to tell me he can't find the key. Really?!?!?!?! You post the thing on Craigslist and you don't make sure you have all the moving part??? Fabulous. He texted me later to say they had ordered it and it would be here in 3-6 days was I still interested. I said no because I'm not driving all the way over there again. So unbelievably frustrating....... I'll keep trying though because eventually one will hit. There are people who want to sell things on there.



The good times just keep coming


Definitely a good week. Being happy is just awesome. School was really great this week, I firmly believe it's going to be a good year. Workouts - eh, not so much. Food - 80% rule was in place this week. But overall very, very good. I went to bed every night exhausted and happy in the day.

I've come to accept the fact that the gym really isn't for me. It's fine when I have lots of time on my hands. But when I'm working it's just inconvenient. Yes, in many ways that is an excuse but I want to spend time at home. I love my house and I love my dogs. I would rather be home with them than just about anywhere. So I've decided to look for a treadmill. If I can run at home it will work better than the gym. When I lost all that weight before it was with a home treadmill.

Ugh, my neighbor is outside smoking a cigar. He smokes those cheap things and they stink. I don't mind cigar smoke if it's premium cigars that are well made and smell good. My neighbor is such an idiot.

12 August 2012

Just Happy


Like this little guy, I'm just happy. The thing is, I haven't really felt that way in a while and it feels good. I'm prone to slight depression and with the neighbor crap last year and early this year, then being under the time pressure to finish my thesis - that I hadn't even really started - I think I had gotten a tiny bit depressed. I can never tell exactly what's going on when I'm in it, but as soon as I come out of it I can look back and say, oh,yes I was depressed. That's kind of how I feel today. Although, in truth I didn't feel so much depression as pressure. Whatever, I'm splitting hairs, all I know is that for the past 2 weeks or so I've felt pretty damn good.

Last weekend I worked on a refurbishing project that I've been wanting to do. I finished it and it looks amazing if I do say so myself. I'm so pleased with it, I want to do another piece we have in a similar way. I will share all the gory details in another post.

Yesterday we ran some errands and I took Bella to training class. Then we went out to dinner with a friend to celebrate his and Hubby's birthday. It was fun, the food was good, and I really enjoyed myself. Today I have just been a busy bee. I washed the bedding, we walked the dogs, we ran some more errands, I did the laundry, I graded all my schoolwork and entered all the grades, I chopped up my salad stuff for the week, I'm cooking some chicken for my lunches during the week, I'm going to slice up the dogs treats for training, I'm going to fold and iron my clothes for next week. Whew!!! And I'm not even tired. I laid down on the couch to relax and watch a little TV and ended up getting up after half an hour. Very unusual for me.

In an effort to really get back on track and lose some weight, I decided to prep some of my food so I don't have to do it during the week. I chopped up some cucumbers and onions for my salads. I opened cans of corn, garbanzo beans, and beets so they are ready. All I have to do is chop up some lettuce and throw everything together. I also cut up a quarter of a watermelon I purchased so it is ready to eat. I also put 2 giant chicken breasts in the slow cooker with garlic and Italian seasonings. When it's done I'll shred it and use it for my lunch. All this will make getting my lunch together super quick and super healthy. No thinking, everything is ready, so no opportunity to make less then stellar choices.

So I'm happy. The world is a good place right now.

The key to change is awareness

So I posted yesterday that I really had nothing to write about because things were going well and I just didn't have much to say. Scra...