02 April 2011


I have decided that I am insane. I have been battling my weight for years. Years!!!! And I really am sick and tired of it. I look at my husband who made some very organic changes and lost a ton (yes, he's a man and I'll never lose weight that easily but it couldn't hurt). I spend so much time focusing on what I should be doing that I rarely end up doing. Done. I am done with that. I have found that if I make to-do lists I tend to stick with them. I don't dwell so much on what I should be doing but more on what is on my list. If I sit and make the list in a rational moment, I put good things on there and get things done. So, in an effort to stop the insanity (ha! stolen) I am going to make a list every night of the things I want to do the next day. I will then stick to that list instead of sitting on my ass in front of the computer lamenting about what I should be doing or trying to decide what to do. So here goes today's list:

  • Workout  Done:  note of things that have improved: 
    • I can stretch my quads without holding on to something
    • I can touch the floor with a flat palm when my legs are spread
    • I can touch the floor with my fingers when my legs are together
    • I don't want to puke until hear the end :)
  • Take Bella to the beach  - 2 hours - Done
  • Start sewing the quilt - Done
  • Run to Ross's for a dress - 45 minutes - Done
  • Look for new trailer hitches
  • Walk the dogs - 1 hour - passed
  • Train Bella  - 45 minutes - passed
  • Get ready for the prom  - Done
  • Go to prom - Done

That totals approximately 6-7 hours of my day.  Since there is 11 until I have to be at the prom, I have plenty of time to accomplish everything.  I am writing this list on my dry erase board that sits on my desk so I can see it every time I come in here.  I am also limiting my computer time.  No more than 10 minutes at a time.  Ooops, time's up, gotta run.

01 April 2011

April 1st

Don't know why April Fool's Day even exists. Don't know why people would put aside an entire day to play practical jokes on people. Weird. I enjoy a good joke but the best ones are usually spontaneous, something that occurs to you right on the spot. Things that are planned generally don't go as expected. So I'll pass on the whole practical joke thing today thank you.

I didn't work out this morning because I went to the doctor. I had ear pain for a couple of days, then yesterday the pain started to spread down my neck and there is a little pain when I swallow. Since school starts again on Monday, I don't want to get sick over the weekend, so I went to the doc. Ummm, yeah....do I feel stupid. Turns out it's a muscle in my neck. Which, when I think about it, makes total sense since my neck and upper back were bothering me last week. So there is nothing wrong with my ear, yea!!! However, when I mentioned how I had been sick on and off since December, he pressed on my face (that sounds great) and there is a little pain on the left side. He said I may have a sinus infection and prescribed some antibiotics. Now I am not one to take antibiotics unless it's something dreadful and prescribing them because I might have a sinus infection generally goes against my beliefs, but this time I've decided to take them. I have not felt completely well since December and I have a feeling something is lingering that antibiotics just might help. So we'll see I guess.

That's really all. Except some people that have annoyed me. Someone wanted to come over today to see my birds. They want to get one and just wanted to see mine. I knew I would be home all day so I said okay. Also, I have another friend who lives nearby who might actually have a bird available and I was going to take them over there too. So we talked yesterday and everyone was all hot to come over and they are the ones that suggested today and everything. So I call them this morning when I got home and let them know I was home and would be for the rest of the day and they acted like they didn't know what I was talking about. Like I was the one pushing them to come over today. Huh??? Weird. At this point they may never come over to meet my birds, lord knows I'm not making plans with them anymore.....

31 March 2011

My husband is losing weight

When we moved into this house a year ago, my husband starting losing weight.  He lost about 10-15 lbs.  We decided it was because we were so busy doing things around the house all the time.  I didn't lose any weight but I didn't say anything.  Now recently he's been losing again.  Another 10-15 lbs.  At first I was really concerned, why is he suddenly losing weight?? When you are 60 years old these things go through your mind.  When I mentioned it to him, he had the same thoughts.  After talking about it through we realized he had changed some of his ways.  He was not drinking as much beer as he used to and he was not snacking as much (we are pretty sure these are related to our serious lack of funds).  Also, he's been taking breakfast and lunch to work with him and we don't go out to eat much anymore (see previous lack of funds).  Once we started really thinking about it and adding up all the changes he's made, we realized that he should be losing weight.  So that's good.  He's looking good and I'm happy for him.  But I hate him too.  He doesn't even try, he doesn't even really care and yet he loses weight by changing just a few things.  Me?? I work my ass off, watch every thing that enters my mouth and still I can't lose weight.  UGH!!!!!!

So today I'm throwing a little hissy fit.  I'm not eating - read fasting - and I'm working out.  I plan on keeping moving all day once I get off my butt here. I tell you , it really pisses me off........

30 March 2011

The way it's been

One thing that makes me absolutely batsh*t crazy is when something is done because that's the way it's always been done. It's fine if there is a good reason to do something a certain way, but to do it just because that's the way it's always been done?!?!?!?! Please, get your head out of your butt.

Yesterday I was looking for something and stumbled across some blogs I have not read in a long time.   A loooonng time.  One of these folks were heavily involved in triathlon.  They did all kinds of stuff, lots of training and racing and were very, very active in the sport.  They had set a goal for themselves and worked long and hard to achieve it.  It was awesome and inspirational to "watch".  Once they achieved that goal though, they stopped. Just stopped.  Which is fine, if you set a goal and reach it, it's perfectly acceptable to move on to something else. I get it.  What I don't get is that sponsors and such continue to support this person.  How can you be part of a triathlon team of any kind when you haven't done a triathlon in 4 years?? How can you be part of any kind of sport team when you have basically stopped training and racing??  I don't get it.  It's not that I have anything against this person, not at all, it's just a situation and a mindset I don't understand. 

We have a lot of that mindset here in Hawaii and it just drives me crazy.  Try to find out why something is done and you get - 'Well, that's the way we've always done it.'  That is not an answer folks.  What that answer means is that we are too damn lazy to figure out a better and/or different way so we are just leaving it the way it is.  Stupid!!! Stupid, stupid, stupid!!!! 

Part of this rant is directed at myself.  I have certain dreams and goals and yet I'm failing to reach them.  Why?  Because I'm stuck doing somethings the way I've always done them.  And that's not working for me anymore.  I keep saying to myself, I know what works, but I don't think that's completely true anymore.  I'm now over 50, my body has changed and I think trying to lose weight and get fit like I did in my 30's and 40's is just not working for me anymore.  Yet I continue to try and I continue to fail.  So maybe it's time to try something new.  Maybe it's time to really work WW instead of doing my version of it.  Maybe it's time to just work on being more active instead of trying to burn 1000 calories in one workout.  Maybe it's time to just move more, eat less, and go slow.  Clearly doing what I've always done is not working for me anymore.

29 March 2011


This is what I tend to do when I'm not sure how to handle something. In many areas of my life, when something comes up I don't know how to deal with I will seek out help. Sometime very aggressively. But in other areas I just do this. It's not good. Sticking you head in the sand does not help anything. It really doesn't. Trust me, I know.

So I avoid things that are difficult to deal with, but it bleeds over into other areas of my life. When I am actively avoiding something I start to develop an inertia that spreads. I will stop doing other things because whatever I'm avoiding is weighing too heavily on my mind and I can't seem to stop thinking about it. When I can't stop thinking about it I can't think of anything else. This leads to me wanting to crawl into a hole somewhere. Since I can't do that I generally spend too much time on the computer. Which I have been doing. Since it is much easier to control what is happening on my farm or island or city than in my life, I spend more time there. Ridiculous, I know, but it's what I do. The good part is that I'm aware of it. They say admitting you have a problem is 50% of the solution. If that's true I'm well on my way. Today, I not only face my problem head on but come up with a way to fix it. It's not going to be easy, but damn it I'm going to do it today. Here I go and wish me luck.

27 March 2011

Really, nothing to say

I actually do have quite a lot to say but nothing new. I'm tired of wanting. I need to stop wanting and start doing. I have so many things I want to do; run the half marathon in 3 weeks, do a triathlon again, run regularly, etc. But instead of doing any of these things I am eating like crap (though that's getting better), spending time on my ass right here, healing from stupid injuries. I'm sick of it. So today I have nothing to say and I'm going to focus on doing. Check back later if I find the time :)

Sometimes things need to blow up before they can be fixed

So yesterday I kind of let loose on the 'friendship' chat. The girl who was away for a funeral was back and asked who was going to t...