22 June 2013

Reality Check

So I went to Crossfit and it was like a slap in the face. Just walking in I started to feel depressed. Seriously!!!! I knew that I have lost some ground and I was bummed about it. I got in there and saw the workout and wasn't thrilled with it.

3 rounds for time:

  • 6 pull ups
  • 22 wall balls
  • 168 single unders
Actually it was 6 muscle ups while holding a medicine ball with your legs. 22 wall balls with an extra squat while the ball is in the air.  84 double unders.  Since I can't do muscle ups or double wall balls or double unders, I did the easier versions. That made me feel depressed. Then I just did not put my heart into it. I really phoned it in. Yes, I did every single rep and yes, I sweated my butt off, but I could have gone a whole lot harder and faster. And I didn't. I chose not to. 

I feel fat and old and so completely out of shape. I hate this feeling and I'm not sure how to shake it. Or even if I should try. Maybe I should just ride it out and keep moving forward. I don't know.  What I do know is that growing old is a bitch!!!!


After Tuesday's little DNF, I had a meltdown. A complete and total meltdown. I actually considered quitting Crossfit at one point. I was so pissed off at myself for a whole lot of reasons. Mainly because, even though I workout, I still let myself get this way. I am in a condition where I can not run a mile. 1 stinking mile. Okay, in reality I can run 1 mile, but not when I'm doing any weight movement that involves the back. Regardless of that, I was pissed that I let myself get to this point. All the work of almost a year, and this is the shape I'm in??? I even questioned if I was too old to do this. Seriously. I'm 54 years old and wasn't in the best shape to begin with. So I got pissed. Then I got really angry and made a plan. Then I said, oh f*ck this and ate like there was no tomorrow. I have not been to Crossfit since Tuesday and I have eaten ice cream, Taco Bell, Boston's Pizza, hamburger & fries, donut holes, and soda. I can honestly say that I haven't really overeaten, I stop when I get full, but the stuff going in has not been the greatest. It is time to regroup.

At the beginning of June I had a goal for summer. It is not too late to make that goal a reality. I want to lose some more weight - 15 lbs - and be in better shape. I have 5 weeks left of summer. I can lose 3 lbs a week, hard but not impossible. I need a plan and I need to stick to it for the next 5 weeks. It needs to involve a lot of working out and really good food. I can do this. I can totally do this, I just need a solid plan to follow.

Paleo obviously. Eating strict paleo just makes me feel so good and gives me so much energy. Crossfit everyday at 6 am. I'm going to do it 6 days a week and take Sunday off. With not working I think I can do that. Running. I am going to run. Starting this afternoon. By the end of 5 weeks I will be running 3 miles in under 30 minutes. I am going to do this. What is most important is that I have a schedule. I will be home and schedules tend to fall by the wayside when I'm home. So I need a schedule. Crossfit at 6 am, everyday except Saturday - that's at 9 am. I need to plan work too. I have schoolwork to do for classes I'm taking and classes I'm teaching. But what will happen is I will work one day for 6 hours and then not work for 3 days. I would rather work a couple of hours everyday and schedule in some free time for fun stuff. Consistency works best for me, not hit or miss.

So here's what I'm thinking:
6 am Crossfit
7 - 8:30 am shower, breakfast, cruise Facebook for a while, generally goofing off
8:30 - 11:00 Walden work
11:00 - 12:00 lunch, goofing off, watching TV, etc.
12:00 - 2:00 prepping lessons
2:00 - 3:30 nap, watching TV, goofing off, etc
3:30 - 5:00 walking the dogs
5:30 - run

This will not be set in stone. If I'm really going on something and don't want to stop, I may just keep going. There may be times I want to go to the beach. I'll go. But if I have a general schedule, a plan, I work better.

Let me sit on this for a while and see how I feel about it. Today it is Crossfit, good food, and schoolwork. Yeah!!!

18 June 2013

I need a plan

I am going to limit the amount of time I sit at the computer. It's not a lot, but it's a start. I have a lot of work to do for my courses, much of it involves reading. I'm going to clean the spare room up a bit so I can lower my treadmill. I will walk while I read. And only 1 hour at the computer at a time. No more. If I'm writing and really caught up in something, I will fire up the laptop and write while I stand.

Another change is running in the morning. I'm going to run every morning. Just a little, but some. Crossfit every night. That's for now. After summer school ends I will switch it up some.

Finally, mobility in the evenings. If I'm going to sit and watch TV, I'm going to develop a mobility program. I have gotten so tight lately, I need to loosen up.

Okay, a plan is taking shape in my mind. I'm starting to feel better.

Did not finish

I cannot express how upset I am at myself. I honestly feel like crying. I did not finish a WOD tonight. First time in almost a year and I am very, very upset about it. I don't know why I'm so upset about it. I mean, think about it. I've done no running. My eating has only been okay. And yet I expect to be able to just do this??? WTF??? Am I an idiot???? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. In that case, I am insane. I have got to change this up. I want to run. I want to run. I want to run. Starting tomorrow I'm running. Every morning. At least until summer school ends. Then I'm Crossfitting at 6 am and running in the evenings. I'm tired of things remaining the same. And the eating has got to get in line. It's not bad but I have dessert a little too often. Once or twice a week is fine. Every night, not so much......

I love how my feelings run....I was so upset with myself, I seriously wanted to cry. Now I'm just angry and pissed off that I let it happen. I need to ride that pissed off state into action and do something about it......

I'm off to shower and try to get over this and come up with a workable plan.....

Forward progress

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