30 August 2009

Mental chatter

I've been sitting here trying to write this post for about 40 minutes. It's not that it's that deep or gut wrenching, it's just that I don't know how to put what's in my head into words. Let's see...

There are so many things going on in my life right now. I started teaching which is tough. I'm finishing up my masters degree, which is tough. I took on two young dogs who have no real training, which is tough. I have a bird that is part psycho, which is tough. I feel pulled in a million directions by these and other things. I want to be an organized person and I'm not. We are looking to buy a house, that's scary. I want to eat right and work out and I don't as often as I would like to. I have a sense of lethargy. I have so many things to do that I don't know where to start. I feel paralyzed by the weight of everything on me. I don't know what to do. How do I shake this? I woke up at my regular time this morning with all these things running through my head. How do I stop the noise?? I guess the best way is to start with what I can control. Take one small step followed by another small step until I've traveled the roads I've chosen. I also need to rethink the things in my life that cause me great stress. Temporary stress is one thing, like the stress of buying a house. That will be stressful but it will pass in the end. However, the stress of my bird is something that I have to give great thought to. Do I get more stress or joy from him? Is it time to consider other options? Are these feelings real or am I just going through a general rough spot? Some of my responsibilities weigh on me like a lead weight around my neck. It's terrible. Then I feel terrible for feeling that way. I think it may be time to rethink and reorder some aspects of my life. It may be that it's time for some changes.....

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Starting to feel more in control

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