18 August 2010

I am fat

That is not a derogatory comment or a statement made to put myself down, it is a statement of fact.  I am a scientist and if I saw an animal in my shape I would say that animal was fat so I am saying I am fat.  But that's good, because as a scientist I have a very logical mind and if I know a situation exists I can change it.  I know I am fat and therefore that can be changed.  When I attach emotions to my weight is when things start getting ugly. To me it's like saying I am tired or I am hungry, it's just a condition that can be changed.  And I plan on changing it. 

On Monday night I went to the BodyAttack class at Mana Fitness and Oh My God!!!  It durn near killed me.  Class is supposed to be an hour long but, as I was the only student, when I was ready to collapse at 30 minutes we called it a day.  I have not worked up such a huge bucket of sweat in a long, long time.  I was breathing hard and deep and pouring sweat.  It was awesome.  I went back last night and did the BodyPump class which is a full body strength session.  I could feel my muscles quivering at the end and today???  Forget about it, I am sore all over.  I love it!!!!  I can't go tonight because it's open house at school but I will be back tomorrow night. I love this workout. 

Working out there is what lead to the statement above.  They have mirrors all along the wall you face and you can't help but look at yourself.  When you have weight issues you also have mental issues in that you don't always see your body as it really is.  When I was my heaviest I didn't think I was that fat and, without realizing it, avoided mirrors.  When I lost 75 lbs it took me a long time to connect my mental image with the one in the mirror.  I would see myself in a mirror and not recognize myself immediately. It took a long time for my head to realize I was skinny.  Well, as I've gained weight recently my mental image has stayed skinny.  I knew I had gained about 15 lbs but I never changed the mental image in my head.  Working out there and looking in the mirrors changed the mental image and led me to the conclusion that I am fat.  No emotions, no whining, no gnashing of teeth, just a simple fact.  I am fat and it's time to change that..

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