Epiphanies all over the place

Things are tough right now financially.  We are in pretty dire straights and I'm not sure how we are going to get out of them.  I am looking for a part-time job to ease the situation temporarily but that is not a permanent solution.  Needless to say this is on my mind pretty much constantly and I don't know exactly how it's going to be resolved.  Which is kind of unusual.  Things like this will come up but I usually come up with a way around them.  This time I'm stumped.  As I was driving to work today I was thinking about this, as usual, and realized at least part of the problem.  I don't have any silent reflection time.  When I worked at the lab I had hours where I could mull things over in my head.  Hours where no one spoke to me and I spoke to no one.  Hours to do nothing but look at my situation from all sides. Hours to be open to whatever the universe had to say to me.  I don't have that anymore.  In fact, I rarely have 10 minutes of quiet time a day.  I get up at 5 a.m.  I get things ready for the birds and me for the day.  I shower, dress, and I'm out the door.  Driving to work I've taken to listening to the Hollywood gossip.  Once I get to work I usually hit the ground running.  I'm racing around prepping for my classes, eating breakfast, schmoozing with the other teachers, etc.  Then classes begin and I'm bombarded by questions, all kinds of questions, about all kinds of things. I hardly have a minute to think when students are in the room, I'm busy jumping from one topic to another.  On the ride home I usually veg out, listen to music and just shut my mind off.  Once I get home it's walk the dogs, clean the bird room, do any work I have for school, watch a little TV and off to bed.  On the weekends I have time to rest and reflect but I've taken to filling those hours with noise.  I have the TV on or something.  I don't  have silent time to just think and be.  So I need to change that.  I know there is a solution to our problem, I'm just not able to see it clearly right now.  I need to take the time, to be still and know, and let the solution find me.  I need to run, that's where a lot of solutions come to me.  If not running I need to find some isolated bar stools and just sit alone and open my mind. That's a large part of the problem. I am working so hard on trying to find an answer that I'm not letting my mind sit open so the answer can come to me. This all probably sounds like crazy talk, but I know it's true. I knew that teaching was supposed to be what I do. I knew we were supposed to buy that house. I knew, deep in my soul, that these were the things I was meant to do. Now I just have to figure out how we are going to get out of this mess. What is the solution. I actually think I already know, I just need conformation from the universe.....


Popular posts from this blog

Seriously weak upper body

Just popping in for a

Wish I knew what was wrong