08 October 2011

Can't see the forest for the trees

I have spent most of my life struggling with my weight. Through all of my life I remember my weight playing a part in everything I did. Going skiing I would worry about how the ski suits would look. Going camping I worried about being in a bathing suit. I should say that worrying about these things did not stop me from doing them. I did all these things it's just that my weight was in the back of my mind the entire time. I've gotten tired of it. Real tired. Imagine thinking about the same thing for 50 years!!! That's insane.

Last week I was ready to quit. I had had enough of all the bullshit involving my weight and I was ready to just throw in the towel. And it was kind of nice. For the entire week the only time I thought of my weight was when my pants were a little tight. And therein lies the rub.... some of my pants are a little tight. Some of these I just purchased and they are already a little tight. Plus, I think I may have traveled over the dreaded 200 lb mark - I'm not sure about that because my scale sucks, but I think I did. Also I noticed something dreadful. My energy levels are seriously lagging. Seriously. I have a really hard time getting up in the morning. When I come home from work I generally doze off in my chair for a little bit. By 9 pm I am out on the couch. Last night I was falling asleep on the couch at 8!!! The only thing that woke me up was the dogs dragging out some wires from under the TV. They were playing around and caught some wires and I was afraid they were going to chew through them. I really need to figure out some wire management for all the electronics we have around here. Anyway, falling asleep by 8!!! That's crazy early even for me!!!!

The moral of this story is that I can't ignore my weight. I just can't. I am one of those people who have to pay attention all the time or I start to blow up. I need to work out not only for my weight but for my energy levels. So I did some thinking yesterday and I think I came up with a plan. In the recent past, every time I start working out again I use Bob or Jillian. They are a mix of cardio and weights and really kick my ass. The thought of doing them, even when I'm in good shape, are fairly dreadful. I do not look forward to them and I will skip more than I will do. So thinking back on the times when I was really fit I realized that I did a lot of cardio. I love cardio. I love running (which is on hold for a while until I figure out what is wrong with these ankles), I love dancing, I love step aerobics, I just love cardio. Weights - bleh!!! So forcing myself to do something that I'm really not into and that I don't like that much is just stupid. I like cardio so I'm going to do cardio. I know I should use weights and I'll work on incorporating them in later. Right now I just need to get moving on a regular basis and cardio is king.... At least with me. So for the next little bit I'm going to be doing workouts that are fun for me and not worry about what I should or shouldn't be doing. I needed to do the same thing with food. I was reading all this stuff; eat every 3 hours, combine protein with carbs, don't eat after 7, eat before you workout, don't eat before you workout, blah, blah, blah. I stopped reading all that stuff because I was getting confused. I needed to find what worked for me. What I found is that I'm fine if I don't eat before I work out - I have plenty of fat stores to carry me through. I don't need to eat every 3 hours, sometimes going 5 is okay. I do try to eat protein every time I eat, that really works. When I get home at 8:30, no eating after 7 just doesn't work. So instead of listening to all the "experts" I'm going to listen to me. I'm going to do cardio, watch what I eat and try to get my energy levels back up.

So, no more worrying about my weight. I am really done with that. Workouts from now on will be things I want to do not things I think I should do. I will listen to my body and feed it when it is hungry and not by the clock. I will continue to eat nutritious whole foods that provide the best nourishment for my body. And with any luck at all I will start running again soon.

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