08 July 2014

Can someone really change?

I've often wondered that. In many ways, I know with all my heart that the answer is yes. I have changed in many, many ways over the years. So I know it can happen. But do we really change? Do we really, fundamentally change who we are, or do we just learn to act differently. I have been thinking about this for a number of reasons. First, I am not a neat person. Looking at my desk right now, there are stacks of files, mail, earphones, etc. all jumbled all over it. I know where everything is and I know what needs to be done with everything, but anyone looking at this would know I'm not neat at all. I have tried to conquer this a number of times, but it only lasts for a short time. Can I ever truly be organized? I don't know.

Another thing is the way I dress. I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out. I teach chemistry, so I tend to dress in clothes that are easy to move in and I don't mind getting destroyed. I have decided to change that at my new school. I have decided to dress like a professional regardless of what I am doing that day. Towards that end I have been hitting the sales stocking up on dresses and professional clothes. I am looking forward to reinventing myself and really starting over. I wonder if I'll be able to follow through though. I am a very casual dresser. I am more comfortable in pants and tops. So can I change and really reinvent myself? I'm willing to bet I can and I'm going to try.

Along those same lines, as I was shopping something changed. I picked out clothes that I really like and I found they looked good on me. I felt good in them. I'm on the heavy side right now, but I still liked what I saw and I bought things that made me feel pretty. While I'm not completely happy with the way I look, I'm moving closer and closer to acceptance. For me acceptance is the thing that really causes change. Once I accept myself just the way I am, things start to change. I'm getting closer and closer everyday.

Alright, enough navel gazing. These are the things that run through my head during the day.

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