Yeah, exactly. I've got dreams. I've got big dreams. I've got dreams that I am super, duper excited about. Dreams that I cannot wait to put into action. Dreams that are the fulfillment of dreams I've had all my life. Huge, towering, dreams that will make me so happy. Not only will they make me happy, they are within my grasp. They are completely within my control. Whether I succeed or not is completely up to me. I am in the drivers seat. I don't have to wait on anyone to do anything; well, a little. I literally have my future in my hands. And what have I done about it? Not much. In the past couple of months, I could have made so much progress and I haven't. I'm very angry at myself. So, drawing a line in the sand right here.
Today everything changes. No more planning, scheduling, figuring things out. Today everything starts. I have a lot to do and I just want to get it done. I want my Ph.D. I want to move to the mainland. I want to be able to travel during the summer. I want to have the kind of life I've always dreamed of. And I can if I just get off my ass. You know, I love planning, probably a little too much. But I really and truly love action. I love getting things done and feeling that huge feeling of accomplishment. I am completely adrift as to how to start this whole proposal thing, but just sitting here not doing anything is not helping. I need to just start writing and figure it out. The only way I will figure it out is to write it. I'm not going to figure it out in my head.
Then there is the whole exercise thing. I'm finding myself falling into the no energy trap. I'm tired when I come home from school, so I take a short nap, which causes me to miss walking the dogs, then I end up in bed lying awake reading or trying to sleep. Then I get up in the morning and feel draggy and need more caffeine then normal. It's a vicious cycle. The less I do the more tired I get. It is horrible. I have always been a morning exerciser and it is only because of Crossfit that I stopped that. So this week I'm going back to that. Morning exercise. If I get up at 5 - my normal time - have coffee and take care of my morning business, I should be ready to exercise by 5:15 or 5:30 at the latest. 30 minutes of exercise, feed the birds, shower, and get ready for work. Out the door by 6:30. So what has changed? Well, I need to do some prep the night before. Get my lunch, breakfast, and the bird food ready the night before. Also, I can't sit on my phone checking facebook for 20 minutes while I drink my coffee. I don't do that every morning, but I do it more often than not. This also means that no napping at night. I want to walk the dogs, I enjoy walking the dogs, and I know that energy creates energy. If I walk the dogs when I come home instead of napping, I'll have more energy for the evening. Then, after dinner, I can work on things for a couple of hours. Weekends, though I would love to rest, have to be times of great progress. Today is a prime example. I have been up since 5:30, it is now 7:45 and I have done nothing constructive. I am sitting here yawning, thinking it would be nice to crawl back into bed for a short nap. That does not help. It just doesn't.
Okay, that's it. I'm doing it. No more slacking off. No more bullshit. No more nonsense. No more excuses. I am in control and I'm going to take the reins.
Later that same day: Well, that did not go as planned. I did go and work out, I did Shaun T's Cize. It's a dancy workout. I like dancing, I guess it's just been a really long time (like 3 years) since I've done any aerobic type workout so I'm just not used to it. After that I showered and was going to grab some yogurt, but Hubby came home. We got our act together and headed out to do the Costco shopping. That was followed by lunch at Gordon Biersch with a couple of beers and some pupus. All of that was fine. The problem was that I had those beers on a completely empty stomach and they hit me hard. We came home and I passed out on the couch for 2 hours. I have not done that in a long time and I don't like it. It took me 1/2 an hour to really wake up and get myself off the couch. I'm still dragging a little and it's 2 hours later. So things did not go as planned. I could get all depressed and feel like a failure but I refuse to do that. I'm going to use tonight to clean up this desk area and get ready to dive in tomorrow. It's really all I can do. Not going to let it get me down and hold me back. So I start tomorrow. That's it. Simple. I needed this little pep talk to keep myself from getting all down on myself. I'm human and I did not take into account the trip to Costco and lunch today. Things are going to come up, the journey is not going to be smooth sailing all the time. So I made a mistake by not planning on today. Oh Well. Life goes on. Tomorrow is a brand new day.
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