17 February 2019

Fallen into another hole

Just because I understand something and know why things are happening, doesn't mean I can stop them from happening. Evidence this past week.

I have written extensively recently about my meditation practice. It is making a huge difference in my life, it really and truly is. But that doesn't mean I have it all worked out. Last week at school, I felt like I was under an enormous amount of stress. Enormous!!!! The difference between this time and all previous times is that I knew the stress was completely self-created. Which means that since I created it, I could fix it. I didn't have time to do that, but I knew a long weekend was coming and I could get everything done then. Still, I had some stress. Also, the money situation has not been easy and that has been stressing me out. Again, completely self-created. So with my new found inner peace, I still managed to create high levels of stress for myself and make myself crazy.

As always happens with high levels of stress, I succumbed to complete and total inaction. Friday I had lunch with the girls and then proceeded to lay on the couch nap and watch TV all afternoon. Yesterday we ran some small errands and I had plans of working on my lesson plans but ended up on the couch napping and watching TV.  Do you see a pattern here, because I sure do.  So I need to do something different today. Today I need to be productive and if I sit on my ass for 10+ hours, I need to have something to show for it. I plan on going to school tomorrow and getting caught up, but if I save everything for tomorrow, I'll never get it all done and I will start the new week with a high level of stress. No!!! Not happening.  So today much be productive. I plan on doing laundry, going to school and getting the tests I need to grade and getting those graded. Maybe vacuuming the house, that may wait until tomorrow. And getting my lesson plans ready so that I can make my copies tomorrow.

Okay, I can feel the stress lifting. Having a plan definitely helps.

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