14 June 2020

Breaking Apathy

Things have been going okay in my life for quite a while now. I'm doing okay. I'm walking most mornings. I swim. I'm working on a class I'm taking online. I'm slowly preparing for next school year. Things are definitely okay. The only real problem I have is that I don't want them to be okay. I want them to be as good as they can possibly be. And in order to get there I'm going to have to break through this apathy that I seem to be wallowing in. 

I'm not depressed, definitely not that. But I do have a serious case of apathy. Everything is okay and I don't have the drive to make it better. I mean if it's not broke don't fix it, right? The problem with that is that I'm not completely happy with the way things are. I'm just not unhappy with the way things are either. So let's take a deeper dive into this apathy. 

Let's look at the individual aspects of life:

Money:  we have money. Not lots but enough. We do some dashing here and there to fund our eating out habit. There is money in the bank and all the bills are paid. So no real problems there. 

Health: we are both healthy. Neither of us has caught the corona virus. We don't have any major medical issues. We are sleeping well and eating well. I have energy though not tons. Hubby quite smoking. I am overweight and not really happy with that. I would like to work out more but just can't seem to find the motivation or desire to do that. 

Happiness: this is definitely just okay. It's not that I'm unhappy, I'm just meh.  I have things I enjoy doing but I don't make time for them enough. I would love to work on my hobbies every day but due to the apathy I just don't. 

So I see a couple of issues. There are things I want to do but I don't have the motivation to do them. I'm okay where I am so there are no huge driving forces to change things. But I'm only okay. I want to be more than okay. So what do I really want? 

I want to lose some fat. I have this roll of fat around my belly/hip area that I would love to get rid of. 
Why? Because my back hurts a lot. I can't walk 10 minutes without my back getting all tightened up. I know this is partially due to the extra fat I'm carrying and partially do to my sitting so much. But standing makes my back hurt, so I sit, and round and round I go. So losing some of this fat would make it easier to stand which would them make it easier to be more active and lose some fat and round and round. I also feel that if I worked out more and had more energy I would be able to do the things that I really want to do like my hobbies. 

I want to work on my hobbies and do the things I love doing. Sewing. Painting. Diamond painting. Writing. Why don't you?  Because of apathy. When I do them I feel really good but getting started is extremely difficult due to the apathy. 

So what do I need to do to have these things happen? I know that I just need to start doing them. If I do them I will feel better and if I feel better I will do them more. And round and round. So these things are all tied together by apathy. If I didn't have apathy I would be doing these things and I would be feeling better. So I'm thinking I need to fight off the apathy initially. I think once I get to doing this stuff the apathy will go away. I'll want to do them because they make me feel good and feeling good will make me want to do them more. 

Okay, that's it. Today I'm going to fight apathy. I'm going to push myself out of my comfort zone and do the things that I know are good for me and that will make me feel good. I'm going to do it for One Day. Just one day. 
One Day | Netflix

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