06 November 2021

Awake at 4am on a Saturday

 Nothing good ever comes from that. I have noticed a distinct pattern with my sleep though. During the week I'm busy and moving and get lots of activity, both physical and mental, and generally sleep like a log. I tend to wake around 3 or 4 am but that's after having slept really well all night. But on days when I just don't do as much (weekends) I just don't sleep well. Yesterday I didn't do a whole lot and last night was terrible. I went to bed around 8:30, normal for me, and read until almost 9:30, again normal. But then I could not go to sleep. Looked at the clock at 10:30, 11:30, bleh.....Woke up at 2 am then 3 am. Finally at 4:45 I just decided to get up. I wasn't sleeping well and there are things I can do once I get up. So here I am. 

I realized yesterday that I have created a situation with the gym that is keeping me away from it. I hired a personal trainer because I thought it would be motivating and get me into the habit of going. I was wrong. I'm not a big fan of hers, don't get me wrong, she knows what she's doing I'm just not a fan. And her being there is actually keeping me from going many days. Weird, I know. I have 4 or 5 sessions left with her and I don't want to use them. But telling her no just doesn't seem to be working well so I haven't been going. Stupid, I know, but something I have to deal with mentally. Yesterday I had thought of just quitting the gym. My thoughts were that I could quit, save the $10 every month and buy myself one of those mirror workout things. Now, this sounds like something I would absolutely love since I could workout at home, alone. But there are a couple of problems with this idea and I  really need to be realistic. If I have it in my home I will think that I can workout whenever I feel like it and so essentially I won't ever workout. Been there, done that. Secondly and most important, I have no room for something like that. I would need to completely reconfigure this room and I'm not sure that I can or that I want to. Besides, at $10/month it would take me 2 years to save up for it. Forget that noise. I'm just going to have to suck it up and face her and tell her I don't want to come to training anymore. Then I will go in the early mornings on the weekends with a clear conscious. 

Okay, that's all I got today. I'm going to go do something constructive. 

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