Step Away From the Cake

 So before school ended, I was contacted by one of my friends in the Swissy world asking if I would be interested in a Swissy. There was a family in Mesa that was surrendering their 2 to rescue. I said definitely and to keep me posted. Well, a lot of back and forth with the rescue and a lot of crazy stuff from the owners, but it finally came together. We will be picking Ace up tomorrow morning. I'm very excited to have another dog in the house and a Swissy at that. I'm excited and nervous and feeling all the feels. This dog has not had a good go of it. They have been living in the yard for the past 2 years. Before that they were in the crate in the house and then sent right outside. This guy probably has no idea how to live in a house. That's okay, he'll learn. I'm sure he'll be fine. He is a Swissy. I'm glad I'll be home with him for the next 5 weeks. That should give him plenty of time to adjust to living with us. Also gives me time to get some trainin...

 Part of my sadness/depression/feeling down is that I just don't feel like doing anything. Any. Thing. At. All. I had an early morning dentist appointment today, so I was forced to get up and get moving early. As I was driving home from said appointment, I said to myself - this is bullsh*t. I am sick and tired of feeling so down and depressed. I need to do something to kickstart myself and get out of this funk. So the first thing I did was sit down and tackle the pile of mail that had built up over the last few weeks (months???). I went through every single piece of mail. I paid past due bills. I filed things away. I cleaned out the ridiculous amount of mail that had accumulated on my desk. That felt awesome. Now I am cutting something out that needs to be painted. I don't really feel like doing them, but honestly, I don't feel like doing anything, so what does it matter? I thought if I made something pretty, it would boost my spirits. I want to make 'art', yet I ca...

 since I have to shower and get to my stained glass class.  Yesterday really helped. I cried over Maverick for just about the first time and it felt good. I mean, it didn't feel good, he's still gone. But the grieving felt good. It's not the end though. I am still feeling a little down and not quite myself. I guess the grief will be with me for a while. I think because I have nothing to really focus on that is why I'm feeling it so strongly. Every time I've lost a dog in the past, I've always had other dogs to focus on and that kept me going. Now I have nothing. I did try to check on the Swissy and I don't know. It may be a hot minute before we get that one. Should I look into the border collie???? I don't know. Anyway, I'm grieving and I'm not at my best right now and that's just the way it is. 

I've been trying to figure out why I really can't get back into things and I think I may have figured it out. I'm sad. I never really had the time to properly grieve Maverick. He passed away on the 1st. The morning of the 2nd I had a meeting to go to. By the afternoon of the 2nd I had a trip to Hawaii booked. Then I had finals and graduation to dive into. Once that was all over, we jumped on a plane to Hawaii and spent a week there. Now there I was drowning in memories and I got teary eyed more than once thinking about them. But none of them were about Maverick. I mourned Axl and Lola and Bella. I spread their ashes in places they loved to go. I really mourned them and was able to grieve them. But none of that was for Maverick. So I think I really need to spend some time grieving Maverick. His loss was so sudden. It was the same way with Axl. It happened so quick. But at least with Axl, I had a couple of days to figure it out. With Maverick, I had nothing. He was here one d...

 So I posted last night out of frustration. Why can't I get back into the rhythm? Why have I been so lazy and unmotivated? Why? Why? Why? I still don't really have an answer but I'm definitely trying to break the cycle. The cycle of unmotivation. They say that if you just do something it will help. Well, I need to do something. I did clean up my room some and that definitely helped. I did a little work and that helped. I think I really need to come up with a plan I can stick to. Granted, it is summer and I do get some time to rest and recuperate. But just sitting around doing nothing is absolutely not my thing. I need to be active. I need to walk in the mornings and maybe in the afternoons too. I need to work out and get my body moving. I need to stretch at night and relax before bed. I need to not lie on the couch so much. I was on the couch yesterday from about 12:30 onward. I laid on the couch. I floated in the pool. I laid on my chair. Then I was back on the couch. Yeah...